to forgive divine?

I have a past. Everyone does. What do you do when a part of your long-gone-almost forgotten past comes-a-knocking?

In High School I had a "friend". Then I called him my "best friend". Looking back now I know he was anything but...wait, that’s not fair. He had moments when he was a good friend and even lived up to the title I had bestowed on him, but they were few and far between…but maybe I’m saying that now because my view is marred…anyway.

Since meeting as Sophomores he had a thing for me and he always wanted me to give him a chance romantically. Finally during our Senior year of High School I agreed to take our friendship to the next level. It ‘worked’ for about two weeks…until he cheated on me. Well, I say we were just in a fight that hadn't been resolved when he cheated, he says we were broken up. Tomato tomahto. After that we went back to being friends and there was a lot of back and forth-he wanted me when he couldn’t have me, wasn’t interested when I was, etc. After a while I decided to stop the insanity, take the romantic card off the table, and just be friends again because his home life wasn't that great and I knew he needed a good friend above all else. 

I’ll spare you the details, but a lot happened in the time following our break up. As my 'friend' he continued to break my heart. Sometimes he cared he had, but most of the time he didn’t. The best word I can use to describe him is cavalier. In the years following High School he was in and out of my life-him telling me he had changed and he was going to be a better friend, me foolishly believing him and subsequently having my heart broken. He was still the king of wanting me when he couldn’t have me and completely disinterested when I would make myself available in a romantic regard. I allowed him to manipulate me and I missed out on other great opportunities as a result. By the time I was twenty I was over it and ended the friendship for good. I made myself clear that I was done being used and I had no interest in being a part of his life again—ever. I thought it was a clean break. I thought I would be free to go on with my life as normal. I thought wrong.

The first time he tried to get back in touch with me was a couple years after I ended things. We shared a mutual friend, I’ll call her A — but I should say friend is a generous word. He was about as good a friend to A as he was to me—so he quickly became an acquaintance to her. Because she’s a good person she humored him and played messenger. A refused to let him know anything about me-contact info, where I was, and what I was doing. She was my gatekeeper and I wanted it that way.  This happened almost every two to three years like clock work-I would start to feel confident he wouldn't try again, only to find another half-hearted, cocky attempt waiting for me in my in-box, or a text from A saying he had called again looking to get in touch with me. I had so much latent anger and hurt from him that I was still trying to process, and I had NO DESIRE to have him in my life, yet I couldn't seem to shake him. To me he was poison, and above all else I was still angry at myself for letting him make a fool out of me time after time when all I ever wanted from him was the friendship I so freely and unconditionally gave to him. Then he stopped trying to reach me. I thought he had finally clued in and that I was free of him hassling me.

When Myspace became a big thing he searched me out and tried again to contact me. He caught me off guard so my filters failed me. I let him have it. Eight years of latent hurt, anger, resentment, all came raining down on him in that email. He got it all. I took pot shots. I didn’t care. I wanted him to KNOW how much he hurt me, and I wanted him to hurt like I had all those times. I held all the cards, and we both knew it, so there were no holds barred. I had nothing to lose, and he had everything to gain if I let him back in my life. Once again I told him no way and to leave me alone. And he did. Until Monday morning.

Although I keep my Facebook as locked down as possible, I still make my profile searchable (what's the point of being on social networking if you refuse to be social? Just because someone can request my friendship doesn't mean I'm obligated to accept it...) He found me. He apologized and asked me for forgiveness. He even asked for the opportunity to earn my friendship back and get to know me again. His other letters were always so cocky, so self-centered, so much about how hard it's been for him, how horrible he has felt all these years, how he needed me in his life. He never worried about what his actions had done to me. This one felt grown-up, not at all about him, and shockingly enough it feels sincere. It's been two days and I'm still not quite sure what I'm supposed to do. My decision would have been easy had his most recent email been half as phony as the other ones, but it wasn't. I think I've processed the anger and hurt and have started to genuinely forgive him, but I don't know if I need him in my life the way he clearly thinks he needs me since he keeps making the effort to contact me. He lost my trust a long time ago. I also know people can change, but I have been burned too many times by this person. I am not willing to give him a chance to hurt me again, and sometimes the past is best left in the past. Even as I'm writing this I realize how much it sounds like a battered wife, and that right there should be my answer. I think more than anything I'm afraid of being a bad person. I want to take the high road on all of this and be able to stand before the Lord and account with a clear conscience, but I am older, wiser, less trusting, and admittedly more cynical then I was all those years ago. I'm at a loss. I have no idea what to do. I know I don't trust him, but I know I need to forgive him. I'm trying, but because those scars are so deep they have taken a VERY long time to heal and I don't know if I have actually forgiven him or just become indifferent to the whole thing.  

IF I decide to give him a chance, it will be on my terms, not his. He will earn every millimeter he is given, and I will have zero tolerance for slip-ups. One thing and it's done. I have done just fine without having him in my life. He will have a very short leash with very limited access to me. He will not have my cell number, email, or know where I live. All his contact will be restricted to his very limited access to my profile on Facebook.  Even knowing all of this I'm still very hesitant. Mr Wonderful said to do what I'm comfortable with and he'll support me no matter what. Is my intuition telling me not to do this or are my past experiences with this person clouding my judgement here?

Update

Wow, I really suck at this lately.

Not much has been going on in the Fox casa as of late, but a few things have happened that merit mentioning.

Christmas happened. Mine was good. A little bittersweet because Mr. Wonderful and I couldn't make it down to St. George like we had hoped, but I spent the day with him and his family so it was nice. Mr. Wonderful even did a few of my family's traditions with me (A Christmas Story on TBS all day-he even started quoting lines by the end of it-SCORE!, and opening presents through the day), so that was really nice. Plus we'll be headed down there for the weekend on the 18. 

I have two more nights (Thursday and Friday-weather permitting) up at This is the Place for Candlelight Christmas. I'm so glad I was able to be a part of this again. It really helps get me into the right frame of mind for Christmas, plus it's so fun to dress up and share my talents with others. I LOVE to watch people's faces light up when they see us come up the street. We even had a few people at off site performances stop us and tell us they had come up and their kids couldn't stop talking about us, or that they were already planning to come but couldn't wait to see us in the park. I'm not going to lie; knowing how loved this group is makes all the rehearsals, driving back and forth, and wig-wearing SO worth it.

Let's see...anything else. Oh, I was cast as Shelby in "Steel Magnolias" last week. No biggie. I KID. It's a HUGE deal!! I am so so excited to work with Midvale, Steph, Casey, and her pro team. Plus I get to play a role I have dreamed about playing since I was 17, so that in and of itself is pretty dang cool. We start rehearsing next week and we run February 22-March 2, 2013. I pick up my script tonight and I can't wait to start.

Well, that's it kiddoes. Hope you had a fun, family filled holiday, and if I don't see you before then I hope you have a safe and fun New Year! (Mr. Wonderful works til 11:00 that night, so if anyone wants to let me tag along on their evening let me know.) :)

skirting the issue

So apparently there has been a lot of brouhaha on the interwebs about women wearing skirts/dresses to church. Apparently there’s even some sort of protest scheduled for this Sunday.  I am glad to see that I am not the only one who thinks this is completely ridiculous. I am so bothered with people who need to make everything into a political statement—especially things like this where it’s OBVIOUS they are so insecure about something they have resorted to grasping at straws for something to take issue with. 

There are many reasons I love and am so thankful for my mother, but one of the biggest is that she taught me to love and accept EVERYONE. I remember one Sunday morning-I could only have been 5 or 6, and we were on our way to church. I remember seeing one of the less-active families headed that way too, and I noticed the little girl was wearing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I asked my mom why she wasn’t in a dress, and she replied, “it doesn’t matter to Heavenly Father what you wear to church. It matters more to Him that you’re there.” Twenty-six years later and that lesson has still held true for me.

For me women wearing dresses to church isn’t a sign of submissiveness, but rather respect. Respect because you wear the nicest things you own when you go to worship. Dresses are the nicest thing I own, so that’s what I wear. Not because I feel I am being oppressed and unequal to my male counterparts. It makes me sad that there are women in the church who feel this way. Men and women in the church have their own roles to play, they are both divine and necessary in their own right, and I have never once felt that one was more important than the other. It is only when both are working in harmony that everything works as it should. If anything I have felt more honored by the men in the Church because I am a woman. Men and women will never be ‘equal’ because they are not the same, and it is infuriating to me that some women will choose to use something as sacred as personal worship to propel their own political agenda fueled by their own insecurity.

Now if a woman chooses to wear pants to church because that is what she is most comfortable in? I say more power to her. If you are so pre-occupied about how uncomfortable you are in what you’re wearing that you lose sight of the real reason you’re there, then you’re better off not going in my opinion. Do I think less of women who choose to wear pants? Nope. I’m just glad they’re there.

I just wish people would stop. Stop wanting what others have. Stop the hatred, and anger, and discord. Stop trying to be something they aren’t and instead revel in what they ARE. I am a divine daughter of my Heavenly Father, and I know that He holds women in the highest regard. I am trusted with bearing and raising His children. One day I can be a QUEEN. That is pretty cool and not the least bit oppressive in my opinion. Because we’re different we have been given different responsibilities-neither is more important than the other, and that’s just fine by me.

People may think I’m brain-washed or a Stepford wife for saying this. I assure you this isn’t the case. I merely have never felt oppressed or wronged by my role as a woman in the Church and I am HAPPY with the role I have been given. So, I will be wearing a dress to church this Sunday. Not because I feel I HAVE to, but because I WANT to. I hope what you wear to worship is what you WANT to be in and it allows you to feel close to your Heavenly Father and His spirit (or whatever you believe in). Because that’s all that matters.

Even fashion-forward girl power Carrie wore a dress to church...just sayin'.

hair today...gone tomorrow

I've been debating cutting my hair for a while. Like a LONG while. The last six months or so have not been the best, and the last few weeks were the last straw. It was time for a change and a little positive energy. I had been growing it out with the intention to donate but I had originally planned to grow it to my waist so I had a little more wiggle room. Last week I started seriously considering cutting my hair, and although I had my reservations (change is scary!) the thought stayed persistent and wouldn't go away. In my experience when the thought won't go away it's because it needs to happen, so I scoured the interwebs to find something that I liked. I found this:

LOVE.

I then had the following conversation with my good friend Karalee:

Followed with this picture:

Yeah I'm rad when it comes to explaining what I want. Lucky for me Karalee is amazing.

Kar came over on Saturday and after about 30 minutes of making sure we were on the same page we set to work. I'm not going to lie. I was nervous. So nervous that I told her to just cut it without warning me so I couldn't change my mind. She put it in four pony  tails and got to work. Two hours, one color job, and eleven inches later this is what I got:

I'm still getting used to styling short hair, and my neck is SUPER itchy where my hair is rubbing it, but other than that I LOVE it. Aside from a few 'mehs' from silly boys everyone loves it too! I've even been told I look younger-which is good-but I'm worried now I look TOO young!

I'll be mailing my pony off to Locks of Love later this week. I hope whoever gets my hair loves it as much as I did!

mind your own business

"So, when are you and Mr. Wonderful getting married?"

I know people mean well and when I'm asked this it comes from a place of love (for the most part), but I'm so sick of it I'm ready to start punching people in the face. Here's why:

A: If I had an announcement to make I'd make it.

B: IT'S NONE OF YOUR FREAKING BUSINESS

C: It's a humiliating question to answer and I'm tired of acting like it doesn't bother me and you're not the ZILLIONTH tactless person to pass judgement and unwanted advice on a situation you know NOTHING about.

Suffice it to say if there's ever an announcement to make I'll make it. In the mean time keep your rude, tactless, and inappropriate questions and comments to yourself. If you choose to be a jerk and ask anyway, consider yourself warned.

revisited

I have never been one for revisiting the past. I find for me it’s hard to move forward if I do, so although I often look back on things fondly I rarely go back and revisit it. I have never gone to a High School reunion; I rarely shed tears when a show comes to a close, and I am always trying to live my life the best I can and make wonderful memories for myself, but always keep moving forward. I have also found the few times I have allowed myself to revisit the past it has left me wishing I had just left well enough alone and not marred the memories I did have.  

Wednesday night was the first time I was actually glad to revisit something. About a month ago Steph emailed us and let us know that the South Valley Theater Association asked all the arts councils in the valley to do a reprisal of one of their shows from the year for a benefit concert, and she wanted to know if the Wonderettes would be interested in getting back together for this one night event.
After making sure I schedule was open (thanks to rehearsals for this) I said yes to revisiting Missy and singing with the Wonderettes again. As skeptical as I was at first-it had been almost three months since we'd closed--I'm so glad my schedule allowed me to do this. It was only a 10-minute set, and the tech aspect was more than a little rough, but it was so much fun being on stage with the girls singing our songs again, and I was so glad friends who hadn't been able to see the show initially were able to come get a taste of this adorable production. I had completely forgotten how much I love Missy and doing this show. She is in my top three roles and I wouldn't hesitate at the opportunity to play Missy again. Thanks to the SVTA for putting this together!

Be Marvelous!

Together again! (Suzy, Cindy Lou, Betty Jean, and Missy-The Marvelous Wonderettes!)

like-minded

When did having your own opinion become a bad thing? And when did it become ok for people to trash yours when they don’t line up to what they themselves believe to be correct? People’s politics, religious views, clothing choices, movie tastes, what sports you watch and teams you root for, music preferences, and even whether you prefer an iPhone or an Android are subject to ridicule if it strays from what is considered ‘the norm’. Who defines what is ‘the norm’ anyway?

One of the ‘norms’ that bothers me the most is the battle of the Beatles. If you are not a rabid fan somehow you are not human or something equally ridiculous. Let me go on the record and state that although I enjoy their music they are not my favorite, and in my opinion they didn’t revolutionize anything. They merely made popular what other artists like the Beach Boys and Elvis were already doing. Yesterday I shared a video on Facebook and stated that although I’m not a fan, I love this particular song. I immediately had a friend attack me and call me a loser because I am not a member of the Beatles fan club. What I WANTED to do was go on the defensive and retaliate to the personal attack I felt was being thrown at me. Instead I tried to take the high road (which I may have failed at) and stated I feel I am an individual because I don't merely go along with the crowd because it is the ‘cool’ thing to do. The person then attacked me (or so I felt) again by saying people can say that about Disneyland. Not wanting to get into an ever bigger, more pointless argument that would do nothing but tick me off I decided to let it go.

My question to you, dear blog readers is this. Why do people think bullying people with different views is ok? I enjoy a good debate and the opportunity to share my point of view with other people, and I may get passionate (which may sound angry but it’s me just wanting to be heard and have my point of view respected), but I would NEVER attack someone personally and resort to bullying, name calling, and mud flinging for what they believed, so why do people think it's ok to do it to me? Are they that insecure with their own beliefs that they are afraid a differing point of view will cause them to come toppling down? What ever happened to live and let live? Maybe this is the wrong approach to take, but at the end of the day I am only worried about the choices that affect me directly and what I will have to stand accountable for before the Lord. Will He care that I was a rabid Beatles or Disneyland fan? I doubt it. Will He care how I treated the people who didn’t share my beliefs? You betcha. So here’s my proposition-fitting because it is anti-bully month and all: you worry about you and I’ll worry about me, and anything we don’t see eye to eye on we’ll respect each other’s right to our views and just agree to disagree, yes? Ok, good. 

*and for the record I DID talk to this particular friend rather than just passive-aggressively posting here.

advent

I have wanted an advent calendar for YEARS. My mother the sewing goddess made a reusable one 20+ years ago and it was always the highlight of Christmas. My siblings and I would always fight over whose turn it was to pull the lovingly hand-embroidered felt pieces each day (candy advents are for suckas.) :). I still ache a little each year knowing my mom is now in St George having all the fun!

Today I did some searching and after looking at scores of ideas-including an ADORABLE nativity one that I loved but worried it was just TOO ambitious-and found this:

Cute huh? Of course I'll tweak it a little and make it my own (mostly because there's no pattern so I'm doing it from scratch), but I also love the buttons--among other things.

Well, here goes. I'm headed to the fabric store tonight.We'll see in a week or so if I've bitten off more than I can chew, because the sewing gene definitely skipped a generation with me...

priesthood blessings

Why is it the simplest things are the hardest to ask for? For me it's Priesthood blessings. Maybe it's because my dad has never been active in the Church and my brothers fell away as they got older so I have never had a Melchizedek Priesthood holder in my home. I always relied on my grandfather, my mom's brothers, and my Uncle Gregg for Priesthood blessings, and then it was usually for the 'big stuff' because getting one was usually a bit of a production-them taking time from their families to drive out to our house, and us having to wait until they got there. I'm sure they never minded coming out, but I always remember feeling guilty because they were going to all this trouble for me. I never received a father's blessing at the beginning of a new school year, I never got one when I was sick (unless I was really REALLY sick-and then we called the aforementioned Priesthood holders), I didn't have one the night before I had my wisdom teeth out, and I have never been able to receive one when I just felt I needed a little extra...something. Because of the production I remember it being growing up I've never felt that I have had that power at my disposal so I have trouble utilizing it. Please don't mistake this for anything more than me sharing a fact of my life with you-I am not playing the martyr, I love my dad and my brothers more than anything, and I wouldn't trade them for ANYTHING. That being said it was hard not having the Priesthood in my home growing up, and it makes it even harder to ask for it now I'm grown.

I know that there are plenty of Priesthood holders in my life who would be happy to give me a blessing, but I feel weird asking- mostly thanks to a 'well-meaning' bishop who made me feel guilty during my teenage years because I would ask the men in my ward (usually my friend's dads whom I knew and trusted) because I was taking them away from their families. Now that I'm grown and still single, most of the men I know are married and I feel even worse asking-and even worry that it is inappropriate of me to do so. I don't know who my Home Teachers are and I have NEVER been comfortable asking complete strangers for help, let alone something as personal as a blessing. Mr. Wonderful is a Melchizedek Priesthood holder, but all I will say is he is working on some stuff and leave it at that.

The reason I'm bringing this up-aside from the fact I've been thinking about this forever-is yesterday I received some not so great news. I'm not dying, and I am not sick, and it's not horrible, but it's not great news, either. I don't want to share it here (I am happy to tell you privately), but I am more broken than I had originally thought and hoped, and I am feeling very scared, worried, and very very alone. I want a blessing now, but because of my sillyness I can't bring myself to ask anyone-not even Mr. Wonderful's dad because I'm afraid of being a burden. I know that you can't use the Priesthood on yourself and in order for it to bless you you have it to use it to bless, serve, and help others, but I am so worried about being anyone's burden it keeps me from asking, and then I feel like I am when I do. I know it's ridiculous, but because I only got them for the 'big things' growing up I'm not used to asking for them whenever I feel like I need it-or even when I know I do.

I'm just so glad that Mr. Wonderful has the Priesthood and he will be able to use it in our home-and I am even happier that he will be able to bless and lead our family in a way my dad was not able to. 

répondez s'il vous plaît

When did it become ok to NOT RSVP? Seriously, HUGE pet peeve of mine. I understand there is some confusion about it-I'll admit I'm guilty of not RSVP-ing when I know I won't be there (which I am trying to be better at), but I NEVER don't RSVP and then show up.

As a hostess it makes it hard to plan-especially when I have family in town that I wasn't planning on being here when I sent out invites so now I need add them as well as try and figure out what the final number will REALLY be...ugh. With all the technology we have it's so EASY now to say 'yes' or 'no'-and in a prompt manner. I don't need anything fancy, send me a frickin text for all I care. I don't know why I even bother.

I get people are busy, and things happen, but seriously. I shouldn't have to to baby sit you and bug you about RSVP-ing, we're all adults here. If you want to come say yes-and promptly-did you know Emily Post says you are obligated to respond in 2-3 days after receiving an invite? It's true. I sent these out a month ago and am still waiting for people, so now I get to make those obnoxious/embarrassing calls of "hey, I sent this out a month ago, now we're two days away, I need to give the restaurant a final number, are you coming or not?"

Seriously folks. RSVP to your host/ess and save them the pain of tracking everything down. They've got enough on their plate.

word vomit

I'm pretty good at thinking before I speak...usually.

Unless it involves a certain man and a certain life event that is well on its way but has yet to occur. (No I'm not delusional, I promise. I'm not going to share why for the interwebs though.) When that subject comes up I'm about as capable of keeping my filter intact as well...nothing.

Seriously what is my deal? I can go from decent, loving girl to ungrateful spoiled brat in a matter of nano seconds. The fact that I am well aware of what I'm doing and still incapable of keeping my mouth shut is particularly disturbing. Especially because no matter what anyone says NO ONE deserves having to put up with that. I know it's terrible and unacceptable because not only am I ashamed of my abhorrent behavior I'm absolutely humiliated to admit this. WHY am I admitting this publicly again? 

How do you keep your filter in tact? I'm failing miserably and if Mr Wonderful knew what was good for him he'd simply say 'sayonara' rather than put up with this nonsense.  Because I will be the first to admit it is complete nonsense.

and the winner is...

Thanks to everyone for participating in my Perfectly Posh giveaway...all three of you ;). I knew there was no way I could choose and keep it fair so I entered your names into a Random Line Picker and let the computer choose for me. It picked...

Sonia Maughan!

Congrats Sonia, and I'll be contacting you soon with info to claim your prize. 

Thanks so much for participating everyone! Sonia let me know how you like your Perfectly Posh Oh, Peaches Fabulous Sugar Lip Scrub!

perfectly posh giveaway

About a month ago I was visiting a friend's facebook page and I learned she was going to be trying and reviewing some products for a friend. I'm always down for trying new things so I volunteered too.

Naturally I'm about a month behind because I was wrapping up "Wonderettes" and then I just wanted to be lazy. Monday night I finally decided there's no day like today and made it happen.

First things first. Who is Perfectly Posh? They are a local company that started in 2011. They specialize in body products that do not contain parabens, paraffin, lanolin, soy, gluten, or SLS. Everything is 100% made in the USA, and their products are spa grade without the spa price tag-no one item in their catalog is over $22. All of their employees are independent consultants who own their own businesses.

My rep Melissa was great to work with and fast with the shipping. She sent me a bottle of  Hottie Patottie (gelee body wash in vanilla brown sugar-it reminds me a lot of the Brown Sugar and Fig line from Bath and Body Works), and a facial in a bag-sample sizes of Gender Bender charcoal D-Tox soap, Stripper detox mask, Sugar Fix sugar scrub, and Lemon Rice body slather.

First impressions

When I got the box I tore it open-I was so excited to see the products. When I opened the box I was a little concerned because the scent was REALLY strong-very perfume-y. I pinpointed the source (I think) to the Gender Bender soap, and I was worried. Two reasons: A: because I know a few of you deal with allergies and/or asthma, and this would send you into over drive, and B: with a name like 'Gender Bender' I thought it would have a more generic scent to entice the male populace. Most guys I know want to smell like men-not like their ladies. I'm hoping the fact it was cut off the main bar into a sample size is what made it more potent than what it is normally. It was closing weekend for 'Wonderettes' and I wasn't able to use it immediately, so I set the box aside for later.

Before I get to my second impression I think I should give you a little background about my skin so you understand my expectations going in. I have always had oily skin that is very acne-prone. I have tried pretty much every over the counter, prescription cream, department store, mail-order product there is. None of them worked.

 I was always told I would 'grow out of it', and I hoped this was true, but instead of getting better as I aged, it got worse. A lot worse. In 2005 I started to develop severe cystic (or nodular) acne. (It's gross, so I'll let you search it if you want to.) Not only was it painful, but it severely scarred my face and self-esteem. In 2007 after trying every 'remedy' I was given I went to the dermatologist and he promptly put me on Accutane. I don't care about the naysayers or what anyone says about this drug or how dangerous it is. Yes it can be dangerous, but under a doctor's care it's the best treatment available and it was a godsend for me. For those of you lucky enough to have good skin this confession may seem a bit melodramatic. The best comparison I can make in regards to the damage acne causes is being overweight. You're treated differently, judged, stared at, forced to endure 'helpful' remarks from loved ones (and complete strangers), and feel like less than a human being. The only difference is weight can be lost. There is no 'cure' for acne. Even Accutane is only a treatment and there is always a chance I can develop it again in the future.

I haven't taken a dose of Accutane since September 2007, but there is one side-effect I will probably always deal with. My skin is now terribly sensitive (how's that for a contradiction? Oily skin that's also sensitive?). Although I'm open to trying new products I have to be careful so I don't irritate my skin. Also because of my experience I tend to be skeptical when skin products claim amazing benefits. Aside from Accutane I have never experienced the results a lot of skin products promise, and because of that I go into trying new products as a skeptic because I know there is no such thing as a "miracle cure". However, I do believe there are a few products out there that really do help and give you results when you use them regularly, and I am always looking for more products to add to this list. I also know that one use isn't going to show just what a product can do, but I do believe it will give you a pretty good idea of what you're in for if you choose to commit.

That's all I have to say about that. Now on to why we're here. Flash forward two-ish weeks:

The first step in any facial is to clean your face. The scent on the Gender Bender soap wasn't quite as strong as it had been initially-I'm almost positive now it was so strong before because it had been cut. Once I worked it into a lather it had no scent, and even without SLS it had a nice, rich lather that cleaned my oily OILY skin well. Even my mascara didn't stand a chance (don't get it in your eyes though-it hurt like a mother effer. Ooops). My skin did feel a little tight afterwards, but it wasn't bad at all. *NOTE:* I smelled it again last night after I got home from work-the scent had died significantly after that initial use. I also used it again to wash my face for bed and my skin didn't feel nearly as tight afterwards as it had the night before-maybe my initial tightness was just my skin being weird because I was using a new product.

Next up was the Stripper detox mask. I LOVE this product and will be purchasing some with my next paycheck. The scent is wonderful, light, and just all-around awesome. I can't pinpoint it to a specific scent, but it has vanilla in it, and it's light and perfect. It's thick but not cakey, goes on smoothly and evenly (if you've ever used a clay mask you know the pain in the butt cakey-ness I'm referring to), and you don't need a ton to cover your face. I still have enough left in my little .3 oz sample for one more application. The tingling sensation is a little intense, but being the weirdo I am I enjoyed it. But that's not the best part about this mask. When I put it on I was fully prepared to make no facial expressions for the next 15 minutes. Then the coolest thing happened when I decided to try a little experiment. It was COMPLETELY dry, yet I could still move my face and there was NO flaking or pieces of the mask coming off. It cracked a little, and I looked like the tanorexic Jersey mom, but I would have been a little worried if it hadn't. There's definitely no eating cheetos like Jennifer Garner in 13 Going on 30 with this product.

I'm also in love with this product is because it came off SO easily. In fact I started to doubt if there was clay in it because there was no drama getting it off. There was no scrubbing. No chipping away, no jumping in the shower to use the water pressure to get it off. I just used a washcloth and some warm water. I did have to rinse the wash cloth a few times, but it was definitely the quickest, easiest removal of ANY mask I've ever used. I love it, and I hope I only love it more with continued usage.

Next up was the Sugar Fix sugar scrub. Like the Gender Bender soap it was REALLY perfumy, but unlike the Gender Bender soap it stayed that way, and I didn't like the scent (or the fact it gave me a headache) at all. On the plus side like everything else a little went a long way and it spread really easily. Because the scrub is sugar it dissolved with the water (I don't like ANY sugar scrub for this reason, but they are more gentle than traditional exfoliants so I get why some people love them). It made washing it off a breeze, but I didn't get to exfoliate as long as I wanted because the sugar was dissolved. The scrub also added moisture without feeling oily or greasy which I also really liked. It had a tingle element that I LOVED-only you won't feel it until after you dry your face. It was really cool, and aside from the super strong scent I really liked this product, but I have to be honest-I like my clarisonic brush and Mary Kay Microdermabrasion better for exfoliation.

Lastly was the Lemon Rice body butter. It has lemongrass in it so I liked it right away. It wasn't overly scented, very light, and again a little went a long way. I REALLY like this product. Given my oily skin I was worried about putting a 'body butter' on my face, but it claims to be non-comedogenic, and it wasn't greasy at all-unlike like other body butters I've used. It absorbed quickly into my skin, and didn't feel sticky or oily. The true test for a moisturizer for me is how oily my face is the following morning. Surprisingly it wasn't nearly as bad as I had expected. I'm very particular about the facial moisturizers I use so I won't use it on my face again, but I did love it as an all-over body lotion and will be purchasing this with the Stripper mask.

I've used the body wash  for two mornings and I really like it. A nice lather, didn't need a lot, and just enough scent to keep me smelling pretty all day-it's 3:00 and it's still lingering on my skin, but in no way overpowering.

Over all I was really impressed with the products from Perfectly Posh, and my face looked and felt great. The only major downfall for me was how heavily scented some of their products are. I would much rather use something that isn't fragrant enough versus something that's TOO fragrant.

Ok, now for the fun part. The giveaway. The contest will go until next Wednesday August 22. I'll let my computer randomly draw a winner and I'll announce the winner here on Friday August 24. Here's how you enter-and you have to complete ALL steps for an entry, and one entry per person please.

-Go to Melissa's Perfectly Posh Facebook page and 'like' it. (I liked her almost a month ago and I've had maybe three updates-your friends will spam you more than she does.)
-Visit her website and familiarize yourself with all the products Perfectly Posh has to offer, and pick your favorite.
-Come back here and tell me in the comments what product you would like to try if you win! If you don't have a blogger account go to MY Facebook page and comment on the post that links you here.

Good luck!

marvelous wonderettes by the numbers

Weeks of rehearsing: 6

Songs learned: 28

Lines memorized: 120

"That's the Queen of your dreams!" cue lines: 4

Performances: 8

Full costume/hair/makeup changes: 2

Inches of hair teasing done a night: 2-3

Inches that will need to be cut off hair thanks to teasing: at least 3

Years we time warped: 10

Times we embarrassed Mr. Lee: at least two a night

Nights in the Bowery: 3

Average temperature during performance: 90

Pounds lost: 8

Average hours of sleep a night: 5

Friends who supported us: dozens

Bouquets received: 3

Hugs given: dozens

Bites from my half-eaten sandwiches I got Stephanie to take: 2 

Thank you cards made: 10

Weeks I'll be vacuuming up glitter from the cast gifts: 6

Weeks of vocal rest: 4

Memories made: too many to count 

Thank you to everyone who came out to support us. This was such a fun show-hard, but fun. I will miss it terribly, but I'm ready to have my life back and to enjoy the rest of my summer!

choke

Picture if you will a cute brunette with a voice like an angel (her words, not mine-but you bet I won't let her forget it cause it makes me so happy!).

One bright and sunny October day she ventured down to a little building called the Delta Center (at least that's what it was called then-you might recognize it now as the ESA.) to sing a song. Not just any song, mind you. It was an audition to sing the National Anthem for our local team, the Utah Jazz (back when they didn't suck.). She was nervous, but ready. Then she stood on her red 'X' in the middle of the arena floor and began to sing to the crowd. It was awesome. Tone-perfect. Pitch-spot on. Projection-impeccable. She filled with pride as the swells of her music filled the arena. Then the unthinkable happened. "O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly gleaming---" then nothing. Silence. Her mind had drawn a complete blank. The one song she had known pretty much her entire life flew right out of her head. Even with the helpful calls of the next line from the other auditioners it was done. She couldn't get out of there fast enough-and proved it by nearly falling flat on her face running up the stairs to get the hell out of there.

Flash forward to the following year. She had been thinking about this day almost daily since the previous year, convinced that she must redeem herself and prove that the previous year was a fluke. So as she drove to the Delta Center she was nervous-worrying all the while that maybe this wasn't the best idea and that she should go across the street to the Gateway and see a movie instead. But she was determined. She HAD to show herself that she could do this-she had been to dozens of auditions-this one wasn't any different and she was going to RULE. Fortunately the auditions had been moved from the arena to a much smaller conference room. It was full, but not packed. As she took her seat on the back row waiting for her number to be called she could feel the paranoia coming back. As she fought off the urge to run she reminded herself she had this, she had been practicing all week in preparation, and she was READY. Finally it was her turn. She didn't start as confidently this time as she had the last, but it wasn't horrible. She started to relax and get into singing the song. Then it happened again. "O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly gleaming---" then nothing. Again? Really? Once again she thanked the judges (and quietly apologized for wasting their time) and left.

Afterwards she decided the two botched attempts was a sign she should never sing the National Anthem in public again. And she hasn't. For almost seven years she has not sung the National Anthem as a soloist.

Well folks, all of that is about to change. In just over three hours this cute little brunette is about to tempt fate again. I've been trying to keep my cool, but I'm not going to lie. I'm kind-of (ok, REALLY) nervous. Will I choke yet again and live up to the legacy I've created for myself? Or will I FINALLY get rid of my performer's block and do this dang song justice? We'll all know soon enough...

**UPDATE** I was calm, cool, collected, and  I remembered all the words-to be honest--I nailed it. I will be singing the National Anthem not once, at least twice, possibly three times during the Babe Ruth Little League World Series in August. (And after the crappy crap-tastic show I had last night I needed a little good news.)