processing

My heart is broken. It's literally aching in my chest. So many questions swirling, so much confusion, so. much. heartache. One question keeps floating to the top...Why?

Why do innocent people keep dying?
Why are we doing NOTHING to stop it!?
Why can't we come to a decision on how to stop it?
Why are some people more concerned with a perceived threat to their "liberty" than a very real, very obvious, very dangerous threat to EVERYONE?
Why are people so willing and eager to say "People will always find a way to break the law so there's no use in trying to fix it. Oh well. Better them than me."?

Then once I attempt to process the heartache the anger sets in. The "red haze" Husband calls it. More whys:

WHY ARE PEOPLE SO FUCKING SELFISH??
WHY AFTER ONE OR TWO ACTIONS BY A FEW "BAD PEOPLE" CAN WE BAN BOX CUTTERS AND LIQUID ON AIRPLANES, BUT WE CAN'T REGULATE SEMI-AUTOMATIC WEAPONS AFTER DOZENS OF "BAD PEOPLE" HAVE CAUSED HUNDREDS OF MASS SHOOTINGS SINCE 2000?
WHY ARE WE OK WATCHING INNOCENT PEOPLE DIE AT AN ALARMING RATE?!
WHY CAN'T WE ALL RESPECT AND RECOGNIZE OUR DIFFERENCES ARE WHAT MAKE US GREAT?
WHY IS IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR SOME TO FOCUS ON THEMSELVES AND TO STOP FORCING THEIR BELIEFS ON OTHERS?
WHY ARE YOUR "RIGHTS" MORE IMPORTANT THAN MINE?!
WHY DO YOU THINK YOU ARE SO SPECIAL?
WHY DO YOU INSIST ON REMAINING THE PROBLEM RATHER THAN THE SOLUTION!?

BE THE SOLUTION. BE THE HELPER-NOT THE HINDERER.

This has to stop. I don't want to live in fear. People should be able to go to school, work, church, the movies, a club, or pump gas and not have to worry about being gunned down. Wondering if there will be a shooting at their children's school is not something ANY mother should have to worry about-we shouldn't have to be teaching our CHILDREN what to do in the event a shooter shows up at their school. When shooting drills are happening more than fire drills you know we are FAILING. AMERICA IS FAILING. How are we going to teach the next generation to be better when we are so busy fighting we can't agree there's a HUGE PROBLEM and work together to FIX THIS?

I am only one person; but that will not stop me. I will be the change I want to see, and I WILL NEVER STOP FIGHTING.

just words

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

"I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you."

I remember chanting these verses on the playground as a child, but it took me well into my adult years to realize that although well-meaning they are terribly terribly wrong. Words do hurt, words can be cruel, and when used incorrectly words can be terribly, terribly damaging and demeaning. Case in point: a Facebook exchange I had with a 'friend' and one of their friends today:

 Apparently to some using the word "retarded" is ok as long as you aren't referencing a person, and you choose what words offend you--even the person who teaches special needs children thinks so. Wait...what? Although I agree there are SOME words you choose to take offense with, this is not one of them. Any word that is used to belittle or demean a group of people are not ok words to throw around in conversation.

The person who posted originally is a bright, reasonable person, and after a little stalking I learned that the other person is a Senior in High School, and seemed to be well-versed, so I'm assuming they are bright as well. I also have a feeling they grew up in the midst of the "stop the R-word" movement, so I'm having a hard time understanding how these two seemingly bright, educated people can think this vile, ugly word and words like it are ok to use merely because it is a synonym for 'dumb' and 'stupid'? That's enough reason NOT to use it IMHO.

I will admit, I used to be one of these people who used these words, never meaning harm, but not realizing it was causing harm simply because it wasn't personal to me. It wasn't until I had a brave friend stand up and point out just how hurtful those words can be-because there are people for whom these words hit a little too close to home and hit chords the utters of these words don't realize are there.

If you are one of the people who feel it's just a word, allow me to offer this from one of the MANY resources I came across when I googled "stop using the word retarded" this afternoon:

"When you use the word "retarded", you are using an antiquated word that, unfortunately has come to symbolize the struggle of people with learning disabilities.  You are using the language of the bully, you are using the language of the abuser.  You are using the language of those who hurt... and you are using it to describe your new bank fees.  When you do this, you are not only being offensive in the most literal definition, you are also being demeaning in the most literal sense of that word.  You are attributing (for example) my son's daily struggle to learn to eat, to learn to sit, to learn to read, to learn to speak, to your own inability to grasp your company's new vacation policy or what you think of some new rule in your kid's soccer league. More often than not, it seems that people use this word to describe things that they themselves don't understand or find too complicated. There is irony here."

This mother of a child with Down Syndrome goes on to say:

"Maybe you think this is my problem or I am being "too sensitive", let me ask you this:  what if we change that word to "gay".  Or the N-word. Pick your slur, one that is used to degrade and demean a group of people. Not only is it not funny anymore, but I'm betting that there is a group of people out there, like a GLAAD or an NAACP who will tell you exactly how unfunny it really is." 
(Read the full post at http://downwitdat.blogspot.com/2012/03/theres-that-word-again.html)

 You guys. If you are someone who uses this word or any other slur, please stop. Please realize that although you are smart and well bred and competent phrases like "that's retarded", "what a fag", or "that's so gay/queer" immediately makes you look like a jerk. And a little dumb. And like a great big bigot. If you think I'm the only one who feels this way just google "stop using retarded". There are over 2 million results. TWO MILLION. If that doesn't show you just how wrong this word is I don't know what will. After this exchange I couldn't stomach remaining friends with someone who felt using that word is ok as long as it's not directed at someone. Although I wish them no ill and have no hard feelings I chose it was best for me to not have that around. Please don't be that person I choose not to have around. 

http://www.r-word.org
http://goinswriter.com/stop-using-retard/
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12488/5-words-you-should-remove-from-your-vocabulary.html

répondez s'il vous plaît

When did it become ok to NOT RSVP? Seriously, HUGE pet peeve of mine. I understand there is some confusion about it-I'll admit I'm guilty of not RSVP-ing when I know I won't be there (which I am trying to be better at), but I NEVER don't RSVP and then show up.

As a hostess it makes it hard to plan-especially when I have family in town that I wasn't planning on being here when I sent out invites so now I need add them as well as try and figure out what the final number will REALLY be...ugh. With all the technology we have it's so EASY now to say 'yes' or 'no'-and in a prompt manner. I don't need anything fancy, send me a frickin text for all I care. I don't know why I even bother.

I get people are busy, and things happen, but seriously. I shouldn't have to to baby sit you and bug you about RSVP-ing, we're all adults here. If you want to come say yes-and promptly-did you know Emily Post says you are obligated to respond in 2-3 days after receiving an invite? It's true. I sent these out a month ago and am still waiting for people, so now I get to make those obnoxious/embarrassing calls of "hey, I sent this out a month ago, now we're two days away, I need to give the restaurant a final number, are you coming or not?"

Seriously folks. RSVP to your host/ess and save them the pain of tracking everything down. They've got enough on their plate.

christmas soap box

I am fortunate enough to know people from all different walks of life. Gay, straight, Jew, Christian, Agnostic, Atheist, liberal, and conservative. We don’t always see eye to eye, but I will always love them.

The other day one of my friends got their knickers in a twist on Facebook about how they felt that the Christ part of Christmas was being shoved down their throat, and saying ‘Happy Holidays’ was the more ‘appropriate’ thing to say. Can I digress for one minute and tell you just how much I hate Facebook soap-boxing? A lot.

I try to be a live and let live type, but this irked me. Just because I choose to celebrate Christmas doesn’t mean I’m shoving a Christian agenda down your throat. It just means I’m wishing you a Merry Christmas because that’s the holiday I observe. It is as impossible to celebrate Christmas without Christ as it is to celebrate your birthday without you.

Yes I know many of our Christmas traditions originated from Pagan and Druid traditions, but the reason for the season has always remained the same. I don’t celebrate the tradition, I celebrate CHRIST. If you don’t like it, tough.

 I don’t get offended as a Christian when someone wishes me Happy Holidays, or Kwanzaa, or Hanukkah, or whatever it is they believe. I don’t understand why these same people who talk about equality and open-mindedness are usually the first ones to cry foul when people say we need to keep Christ in CHRISTmas. Did I miss something here?

Why is it so hard for so many people to actually practice what they preach? I merely proclaim that I am Christian; I have never shoved my beliefs down anyone’s throat and I understand what anyone else chooses to believe is their choice. It’s annoying to me that for some you’re only allowed to believe what you want-as long as it falls in line with that they themselves believe.

Please know that although I believe Christ needs to be the center of Christmas I am NOT forcing my beliefs on you when I wish you “Merry Christmas”, I am merely wishing you a Merry Christmas because I am Christian and Christmas is what I celebrate.  

Happy Christmas everyone!!