"I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you."
I remember chanting these verses on the playground as a child, but it took me well into my adult years to realize that although well-meaning they are terribly terribly wrong. Words do hurt, words can be cruel, and when used incorrectly words can be terribly, terribly damaging and demeaning. Case in point: a Facebook exchange I had with a 'friend' and one of their friends today:
The person who posted originally is a bright, reasonable person, and after a little stalking I learned that the other person is a Senior in High School, and seemed to be well-versed, so I'm assuming they are bright as well. I also have a feeling they grew up in the midst of the "stop the R-word" movement, so I'm having a hard time understanding how these two seemingly bright, educated people can think this vile, ugly word and words like it are ok to use merely because it is a synonym for 'dumb' and 'stupid'? That's enough reason NOT to use it IMHO.
I will admit, I used to be one of these people who used these words, never meaning harm, but not realizing it was causing harm simply because it wasn't personal to me. It wasn't until I had a brave friend stand up and point out just how hurtful those words can be-because there are people for whom these words hit a little too close to home and hit chords the utters of these words don't realize are there.
If you are one of the people who feel it's just a word, allow me to offer this from one of the MANY resources I came across when I googled "stop using the word retarded" this afternoon:
"When you use the word "retarded", you are using an antiquated word that, unfortunately has come to symbolize the struggle of people with learning disabilities. You are using the language of the bully, you are using the language of the abuser. You are using the language of those who hurt... and you are using it to describe your new bank fees. When you do this, you are not only being offensive in the most literal definition, you are also being demeaning in the most literal sense of that word. You are attributing (for example) my son's daily struggle to learn to eat, to learn to sit, to learn to read, to learn to speak, to your own inability to grasp your company's new vacation policy or what you think of some new rule in your kid's soccer league. More often than not, it seems that people use this word to describe things that they themselves don't understand or find too complicated. There is irony here."
This mother of a child with Down Syndrome goes on to say:
"Maybe you think this is my problem or I am being "too sensitive", let me ask you this: what if we change that word to "gay". Or the N-word. Pick your slur, one that is used to degrade and demean a group of people. Not only is it not funny anymore, but I'm betting that there is a group of people out there, like a GLAAD or an NAACP who will tell you exactly how unfunny it really is."
(Read the full post at http://downwitdat.blogspot.com/2012/03/theres-that-word-again.html)
You guys. If you are someone who uses this word or any other slur, please stop. Please realize that although you are smart and well bred and competent phrases like "that's retarded", "what a fag", or "that's so gay/queer" immediately makes you look like a jerk. And a little dumb. And like a great big bigot. If you think I'm the only one who feels this way just google "stop using retarded". There are over 2 million results. TWO MILLION. If that doesn't show you just how wrong this word is I don't know what will. After this exchange I couldn't stomach remaining friends with someone who felt using that word is ok as long as it's not directed at someone. Although I wish them no ill and have no hard feelings I chose it was best for me to not have that around. Please don't be that person I choose not to have around.
http://www.r-word.org
http://goinswriter.com/stop-using-retard/
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12488/5-words-you-should-remove-from-your-vocabulary.html
3 comments:
Back in my improv days, we had a regular audience member with Down Syndrome. He always laughed really loudly... until somebody said "retarded." It hurt his feelings to hear the word.
I have to admit that I use the word retard almost every day, but that's because it's the accepted shortened form of the musical term ritardando (rit.), so I guess I also spell it ritard, and pronounce it with the Italian rolled r.
This has always been a big issue to me? How can anyone say that this is acceptable. Those peoples arguments were so illogical. I am saddened by peoples ability to use their rights as an excuse for unkindness. Just because we have the right to do something doesn't mean we should. I am proud of you for standing up and saying something. Alot of people know that I dont appreciate that word and will jokingly say "the R word" in its place. like "you are such an R word, haha" It is so irritating. Some people are just jerks.
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