just words

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

"I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you."

I remember chanting these verses on the playground as a child, but it took me well into my adult years to realize that although well-meaning they are terribly terribly wrong. Words do hurt, words can be cruel, and when used incorrectly words can be terribly, terribly damaging and demeaning. Case in point: a Facebook exchange I had with a 'friend' and one of their friends today:

 Apparently to some using the word "retarded" is ok as long as you aren't referencing a person, and you choose what words offend you--even the person who teaches special needs children thinks so. Wait...what? Although I agree there are SOME words you choose to take offense with, this is not one of them. Any word that is used to belittle or demean a group of people are not ok words to throw around in conversation.

The person who posted originally is a bright, reasonable person, and after a little stalking I learned that the other person is a Senior in High School, and seemed to be well-versed, so I'm assuming they are bright as well. I also have a feeling they grew up in the midst of the "stop the R-word" movement, so I'm having a hard time understanding how these two seemingly bright, educated people can think this vile, ugly word and words like it are ok to use merely because it is a synonym for 'dumb' and 'stupid'? That's enough reason NOT to use it IMHO.

I will admit, I used to be one of these people who used these words, never meaning harm, but not realizing it was causing harm simply because it wasn't personal to me. It wasn't until I had a brave friend stand up and point out just how hurtful those words can be-because there are people for whom these words hit a little too close to home and hit chords the utters of these words don't realize are there.

If you are one of the people who feel it's just a word, allow me to offer this from one of the MANY resources I came across when I googled "stop using the word retarded" this afternoon:

"When you use the word "retarded", you are using an antiquated word that, unfortunately has come to symbolize the struggle of people with learning disabilities.  You are using the language of the bully, you are using the language of the abuser.  You are using the language of those who hurt... and you are using it to describe your new bank fees.  When you do this, you are not only being offensive in the most literal definition, you are also being demeaning in the most literal sense of that word.  You are attributing (for example) my son's daily struggle to learn to eat, to learn to sit, to learn to read, to learn to speak, to your own inability to grasp your company's new vacation policy or what you think of some new rule in your kid's soccer league. More often than not, it seems that people use this word to describe things that they themselves don't understand or find too complicated. There is irony here."

This mother of a child with Down Syndrome goes on to say:

"Maybe you think this is my problem or I am being "too sensitive", let me ask you this:  what if we change that word to "gay".  Or the N-word. Pick your slur, one that is used to degrade and demean a group of people. Not only is it not funny anymore, but I'm betting that there is a group of people out there, like a GLAAD or an NAACP who will tell you exactly how unfunny it really is." 
(Read the full post at http://downwitdat.blogspot.com/2012/03/theres-that-word-again.html)

 You guys. If you are someone who uses this word or any other slur, please stop. Please realize that although you are smart and well bred and competent phrases like "that's retarded", "what a fag", or "that's so gay/queer" immediately makes you look like a jerk. And a little dumb. And like a great big bigot. If you think I'm the only one who feels this way just google "stop using retarded". There are over 2 million results. TWO MILLION. If that doesn't show you just how wrong this word is I don't know what will. After this exchange I couldn't stomach remaining friends with someone who felt using that word is ok as long as it's not directed at someone. Although I wish them no ill and have no hard feelings I chose it was best for me to not have that around. Please don't be that person I choose not to have around. 

http://www.r-word.org
http://goinswriter.com/stop-using-retard/
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12488/5-words-you-should-remove-from-your-vocabulary.html

moving by the numbers

Well ladies and gentlemen, the day has come and gone and I am officially moved!! It was a long, stressful, not fun process, but I'm glad it's finally over and done with. Tuesday night as I was unpacking the last of my boxes I realized there are a LOT of numbers involved in moving. For your reading enjoyment, here they are:

People recruited to help: 5
People who came from St. George: 2 (thanks Momma and LB2!)
Moving trucks rented: 1
Hours spent loading and unloading truck: 6
Shins hit into ball hitch on truck: 3
Washer and dryer on loan from awesome man: 1 of each
Back injuries: 1 (it was Mr Wonderful, and he's fine now, just twisted it weird trying to maneuver his washer up his parent's stairs.)
Increase in square footage: 110
How much bigger it feels: 0
Balcony entrances: 2
Trips to Lowes/Home Depot: 3
Boxes moved/unpacked: 50-ish
Times I misplaced my box cutter: Countless
Cuts/scrapes/other odd hand ailments: 4
Days taken off of work: 2
Days I wish I had taken: 5
Loads of laundry waiting for me over the next two days: 5 or 6 (It's amazing what you put off washing when confronted with the reality of having to lug it to the laundromat)
Trips to the dumpster: 5
Bags sent to the DI: 4
Happy birds: 1 (or it could be because she's Lizzy Borden .)
Emotional melt-downs: 2 (In my defense I was just done)
New neighbors met: 3
Change of addresses submitted: 5 ( I THINK I got them all...)
Days without DVR: 3
Keys turned in: 5
Noisy Neighbors: ZERO!!!

To sum it up moving sucks. It's expensive, stressful, emotionally and physically draining, and has the potential to ruin even the strongest relationships.
My friend Steve said it best: anything it can cost you to move it will. Well put Steve, well put.

things that must go

I will freely admit that for reasons unknown to me I was a complete and utter Grinch this Christmas. You would think I would have been ecstatic because it was the first Christmas I spent up here with Mr. Wonderful and his family. I was-at first, but as the day got closer I just became sadder which I then allowed to turn into anger over what I was missing down south.  Allow me to clarify and say this was not the first Christmas I had ever spent away from my own family, so I still don’t understand what my deal was. Although this was not foreign territory to me all I could focus on was the fact I was missing them something fierce.

I feel  bad for Mr. Wonderful and his family-they have convinced themselves that I didn’t have a good time and I don’t like their traditions-I did, and I do-and I am so thankful that they welcomed me with loving and open arms. I just missed my family and our traditions.

In an effort to get rid of my Grinchiness and have a better outlook for the impending New Year I feel it’s necessary to perform an exorcism of sorts. I present here for your reading enjoyment my  most recent list of things that must go-if you want butterflies and rainbows you need to stop reading now because this ain’t gonna be pretty:

Announcing huge life events via updating your status. I get that you’re happy. I get that you want to share your good news with everyone in the quickest way possible. What I don’t get is how the second you get the ring on your finger or the baby in your belly you are too quick to forget the people in your life who want that very thing but keep falling short. You may not think it’s a big deal, but it stings. A LOT. Maybe you should check your empathy button before you go off on how you are so happy and how you can’t believe your wait is finally over, and how it’s everything you want it to be and MORE, and how lucky in love you are—ESPECIALLY when the platform you are proclaiming this from gives the recipient no warning, and no ability to filter it until AFTER it’s been read. I get you’re happy, but your insensitivity is breaking a lot of hearts.

Sending mass texts about said life event AFTER you’ve posted on Facebook. I already was blindsided on facebook. I don’t need you to add insult to injury via text. If I can muster my fake mommy smile long enough to be polite I’ll pass along congratulations. If you go fishin for congratulations before I’m ready to play nice you won’t like the results.  

Face-boxing. If I want a steady stream of political bashing I will join a political site. If I want to read your latest dramatic diatribe I’ll subscribe to your blog. I’m on Facebook to keep in touch and because it’s mindless fun. Facebook is not your personal soap box. Let’s keep it light and fun, people!

Facebook over-shares. On that same note Facebook is not a place to over share. I don’t need to know about your cramps, or how you’ve been puking your guts out the last three days, or how your sister’s labor is progressing (*guilty* and lesson learned within 30 seconds of hitting ‘send’).  I don’t log in to be made uncomfortable or grossed out. Save the gross stuff for your doctor and give me the funny you tube videos and picture parodies.

Repeats on FoodNetwork. It’s bad enough that I have to have you on and be tormented by your deliciousness all day, but come on. You are an older station with quite the archive of shows. I shouldn’t be seeing the same episodes of Paula Deen, Gi-a-DUH, and Rachel Ray all week. It’s ok to mix it up peeps.

Giada. If her necklines get any lower or her hairstyles any higher she’s a gold chain away from being a bad Italian stereotype. It’s bad enough you named your kid the English translation of your OWN name, but if  I have to hear you over pronounce ‘Riz-oh-TOE’, ‘pah-st-AH’, ‘mas-ca-PONY cheese’, ‘pan-chain-TAH’, ‘CRRReamy’, ‘CRRRunchy’, or ‘CRRRust’ again I might just need to put my head through a wall.

People who should be riding on the short bus rather than driving it. Driving is a privilege, not a right. Do us all a favor, pull your head out of your ass, and quit driving like you own the road. You don’t, and I’m tired of having to up my defensive driving game because you don’t understand how a merge works.

Doing all the work so someone else gets all the credit. You didn’t do it all on your own. Recognize that. Makes it easier for me to WANT to help you next time.

People shortening my name. It still isn’t cute, and it still bugs the hell out of me. STOP.

Forcing me to repeat myself.  Making me say the same thing over and over again only confirms your stupidity and irritates the hell out of me. You won’t get a different answer no matter how many times you re-word your question. Shut you mouth, open your ears, and we’ll all get along great.

Drama Queens. I have enough drama in my own life. I don’t need you trying to suck me into yours.

The Inversion. I miss sounding like a girl, not an 80-year old chain smoker. And breathing. The non-smoker smoker’s hack has got to go too.

Finding a place to move/moving. I hate where I live. I think I hate trying to find a place to live more. Although I have a few options available to me I don’t want to make the same mistake I made two years ago by not looking and blindly jumping into the first option presented to me. I’m down to three weeks, no time to look, and stress levels rising. Not to mention finding time to actually pack and GET moved once I figure out where.

And that is my list of things that must go, and I am already feeling better. Whoda thunk it?