Why is it the simplest things are the hardest to ask for? For me it's Priesthood blessings. Maybe it's because my dad has never been active in the Church and my brothers fell away as they got older so I have never had a Melchizedek Priesthood holder in my home. I always relied on my grandfather, my mom's brothers, and my Uncle Gregg for Priesthood blessings, and then it was usually for the 'big stuff' because getting one was usually a bit of a production-them taking time from their families to drive out to our house, and us having to wait until they got there. I'm sure they never minded coming out, but I always remember feeling guilty because they were going to all this trouble for me. I never received a father's blessing at the beginning of a new school year, I never got one when I was sick (unless I was really REALLY sick-and then we called the aforementioned Priesthood holders), I didn't have one the night before I had my wisdom teeth out, and I have never been able to receive one when I just felt I needed a little extra...something. Because of the production I remember it being growing up I've never felt that I have had that power at my disposal so I have trouble utilizing it. Please don't mistake this for anything more than me sharing a fact of my life with you-I am not playing the martyr, I love my dad and my brothers more than anything, and I wouldn't trade them for ANYTHING. That being said it was hard not having the Priesthood in my home growing up, and it makes it even harder to ask for it now I'm grown.I know that there are plenty of Priesthood holders in my life who would be happy to give me a blessing, but I feel weird asking- mostly thanks to a 'well-meaning' bishop who made me feel guilty during my teenage years because I would ask the men in my ward (usually my friend's dads whom I knew and trusted) because I was taking them away from their families. Now that I'm grown and still single, most of the men I know are married and I feel even worse asking-and even worry that it is inappropriate of me to do so. I don't know who my Home Teachers are and I have NEVER been comfortable asking complete strangers for help, let alone something as personal as a blessing. Mr. Wonderful is a Melchizedek Priesthood holder, but all I will say is he is working on some stuff and leave it at that.
The reason I'm bringing this up-aside from the fact I've been thinking about this forever-is yesterday I received some not so great news. I'm not dying, and I am not sick, and it's not horrible, but it's not great news, either. I don't want to share it here (I am happy to tell you privately), but I am more broken than I had originally thought and hoped, and I am feeling very scared, worried, and very very alone. I want a blessing now, but because of my sillyness I can't bring myself to ask anyone-not even Mr. Wonderful's dad because I'm afraid of being a burden. I know that you can't use the Priesthood on yourself and in order for it to bless you you have it to use it to bless, serve, and help others, but I am so worried about being anyone's burden it keeps me from asking, and then I feel like I am when I do. I know it's ridiculous, but because I only got them for the 'big things' growing up I'm not used to asking for them whenever I feel like I need it-or even when I know I do.
I'm just so glad that Mr. Wonderful has the Priesthood and he will be able to use it in our home-and I am even happier that he will be able to bless and lead our family in a way my dad was not able to.
8 comments:
I love you, Kristen. And I hope a worthy man reads your blog and demands that you allow him to come give you a blessing. You deserve that in your life. I asked someone once earlier this year and he told me to ask my home teacher first. This bugged me because I HATE asking strangers and I hardly knew that man. Yet, the blessing was the same...the Lord knew what I needed to hear and conveyed it through His instrument. If the Lord needs you to hear something at this time, He will find a way for you to hear it. I'm here for you!!!
I usually get 'ask your Home Teacher' too, and I HATE it. I hate asking people I know and trust, let alone complete strangers who I don't. It's probably safe to say that's part of why I don't ask for them more.
Thanks Riss
When can Mr. Perfect and I come over? He loves giving blessings, and his kids aren't interested.
My first husband was not a worthy priesthood holder and when I would ask him for a blessing or even a prayer, he'd back away. I struggled beyond measure with this. Having the priesthood in my home was something I simply could not provide on my own and I HATED SO MUCH that I was stuck on my path waiting for someone else to come along and fill that part for me. I felt that it didn't matter how worthy I was, if I didn't have a worthy man anywhere in sight, I was screwed. Until I realized something. No, I may not be able to have a blessing at will, or even have my Home Teachers know my name (which is a whole other issue of mine), but I do have the temple. If I needed a blessing, I'd go to the temple because there the Lord would bless me personally. I would go and do initiatories (sp) over and over again until I felt the blessings there healed my aching heart. Or feel the peace and prayer a session would provide.
I still sometimes feel like we women get the short end of the stick when it comes to the priesthood. But it doesn't make the priesthood any less important to me, it only shows me that we are all human and even when acting in God's name, men can and will fall short.
If you can, I reccommend going to the temple. Or at least working towards that. Because bottom line, it's all up to you and only you if you go there or not, blessings and all.
Oh and btw, I love you.
Seriously, sweetie. I told Russ you needed a blessing, and he asked me where you were and how long it would take to get there.
Sorry, I apparently changed to my super secret identity.
...hugs...
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