blessed

As I sit waiting for my last pie to bake, enjoying the glorious sounds of my Christmas Pandora station, and wondering how in the world I'm going to get two pies, rolls, and yams to my In-Laws by myself as Mr. Wonderful will be going there straight from work, I decided rather than being overwhelmed by this task to be overwhelmed with gratitude instead. I needed to list the things I am thankful for, because I really am blessed.

• A loving Heavenly Father who blesses me with much more than I deserve. 
• The Guardian Angels He sent to keep my family safe on October 21. You guys. Their accident should have been so much worse than it was, but it wasn't because of Heavenly Father and His angels. God is good, and merciful, and sends angels to keep our loved ones safe. My beloved siblings are proof of that.
• An amazing husband who loves, cares for, and supports me, no matter how crazy the plan or hair-brained the scheme. I know every girl says this about their spouse, but Mr. Wonderful is pretty amazing, and I pretty much have to pinch myself every day because I still can't believe he chose me, the most undeserving of all. 
• My family. I was very blessed to be born into the family I was, and over the last few years my brothers have chosen the best women and as a result I have the best nieces and nephew. We're wild, crazy, and at times dysfunctional, but they are mine and I love them so much. 
• My new In-laws. Even before I married their son and brother they have welcomed me into their family with open arms and have made me a part of their family. 
• Technology. Yes it can be the bane of our existence at times, but it is also a huge blessing. Without it LB2 would have missed our wedding, but because of technology we were able to FaceTime him in from the hospital so he could watch and be a part of the ceremony. 
• Good friends. For fear of forgetting someone I won't name names, but I am so thankful for friends who love, support, lift me up, teach me, forgive when I mess up, and have been my family when I have needed one since mine is so far away. You step in to help with anything I need, big or small, giving of your time, labor, and talents, looking for nothing more than a smile and hug in return. If you're reading this odds are you are on this impossibly long list, and please know just how much I love you.
• Work. It's not all sunshine and roses, but there are a lot of people without work right now, so I know how incredibly blessed I am. 
• A healthy body. After all the health problems I was plagued with last year it made me love and appreciate my healthy body so much more. 
• My talents. Not only have I been blessed with many talents I am also blessed with the ability to share them with others regularly. That is pretty amazing! 
• THIS
• Parents who taught me to stand up for what is right, even if it doesn't make you popular, the value of things, not the cost, and that family is more precious than any thing you can possess. 

This is no where near the complete list, but brevity is the order of the day on this blog. Happy Thanksgivukkah to you all and don't be too gluttonous tonight!!

symphony

I read this today (read: found it blog stalking) and thought it too beautiful and poignant not to share. (Plus it may or may or may not have been something I personally needed to hear.)

"Some are lost because they are different. They feel as though they don’t belong. Perhaps because they are different, they find themselves slipping away from the flock. They may look, act, think, and speak differently than those around them and that sometimes causes them to assume they don’t fit in. They conclude that they are not needed.

Tied to this misconception is the erroneous belief that all members of the Church should look, talk, and be alike. The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony. All of Heavenly Father’s children are different in some degree, yet each has his own beautiful sound that adds depth and richness to the whole.

This variety of creation itself is a testament of how the Lord values all His children. He does not esteem one flesh above another, but He “inviteth them all to come unto him and partake of his goodness; and he denieth none that come unto him, black and white, bond and free, male and female; . . . all are alike unto God.”



. . .Brothers and sisters, if only we had more compassion for those who are different from us, it would lighten many of the problems and sorrows in the world today. It would certainly make our families and the Church a more hallowed and heavenly place."



-Joseph B Wirthlin

skirting the issue

So apparently there has been a lot of brouhaha on the interwebs about women wearing skirts/dresses to church. Apparently there’s even some sort of protest scheduled for this Sunday.  I am glad to see that I am not the only one who thinks this is completely ridiculous. I am so bothered with people who need to make everything into a political statement—especially things like this where it’s OBVIOUS they are so insecure about something they have resorted to grasping at straws for something to take issue with. 

There are many reasons I love and am so thankful for my mother, but one of the biggest is that she taught me to love and accept EVERYONE. I remember one Sunday morning-I could only have been 5 or 6, and we were on our way to church. I remember seeing one of the less-active families headed that way too, and I noticed the little girl was wearing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I asked my mom why she wasn’t in a dress, and she replied, “it doesn’t matter to Heavenly Father what you wear to church. It matters more to Him that you’re there.” Twenty-six years later and that lesson has still held true for me.

For me women wearing dresses to church isn’t a sign of submissiveness, but rather respect. Respect because you wear the nicest things you own when you go to worship. Dresses are the nicest thing I own, so that’s what I wear. Not because I feel I am being oppressed and unequal to my male counterparts. It makes me sad that there are women in the church who feel this way. Men and women in the church have their own roles to play, they are both divine and necessary in their own right, and I have never once felt that one was more important than the other. It is only when both are working in harmony that everything works as it should. If anything I have felt more honored by the men in the Church because I am a woman. Men and women will never be ‘equal’ because they are not the same, and it is infuriating to me that some women will choose to use something as sacred as personal worship to propel their own political agenda fueled by their own insecurity.

Now if a woman chooses to wear pants to church because that is what she is most comfortable in? I say more power to her. If you are so pre-occupied about how uncomfortable you are in what you’re wearing that you lose sight of the real reason you’re there, then you’re better off not going in my opinion. Do I think less of women who choose to wear pants? Nope. I’m just glad they’re there.

I just wish people would stop. Stop wanting what others have. Stop the hatred, and anger, and discord. Stop trying to be something they aren’t and instead revel in what they ARE. I am a divine daughter of my Heavenly Father, and I know that He holds women in the highest regard. I am trusted with bearing and raising His children. One day I can be a QUEEN. That is pretty cool and not the least bit oppressive in my opinion. Because we’re different we have been given different responsibilities-neither is more important than the other, and that’s just fine by me.

People may think I’m brain-washed or a Stepford wife for saying this. I assure you this isn’t the case. I merely have never felt oppressed or wronged by my role as a woman in the Church and I am HAPPY with the role I have been given. So, I will be wearing a dress to church this Sunday. Not because I feel I HAVE to, but because I WANT to. I hope what you wear to worship is what you WANT to be in and it allows you to feel close to your Heavenly Father and His spirit (or whatever you believe in). Because that’s all that matters.

Even fashion-forward girl power Carrie wore a dress to church...just sayin'.

priesthood blessings

Why is it the simplest things are the hardest to ask for? For me it's Priesthood blessings. Maybe it's because my dad has never been active in the Church and my brothers fell away as they got older so I have never had a Melchizedek Priesthood holder in my home. I always relied on my grandfather, my mom's brothers, and my Uncle Gregg for Priesthood blessings, and then it was usually for the 'big stuff' because getting one was usually a bit of a production-them taking time from their families to drive out to our house, and us having to wait until they got there. I'm sure they never minded coming out, but I always remember feeling guilty because they were going to all this trouble for me. I never received a father's blessing at the beginning of a new school year, I never got one when I was sick (unless I was really REALLY sick-and then we called the aforementioned Priesthood holders), I didn't have one the night before I had my wisdom teeth out, and I have never been able to receive one when I just felt I needed a little extra...something. Because of the production I remember it being growing up I've never felt that I have had that power at my disposal so I have trouble utilizing it. Please don't mistake this for anything more than me sharing a fact of my life with you-I am not playing the martyr, I love my dad and my brothers more than anything, and I wouldn't trade them for ANYTHING. That being said it was hard not having the Priesthood in my home growing up, and it makes it even harder to ask for it now I'm grown.

I know that there are plenty of Priesthood holders in my life who would be happy to give me a blessing, but I feel weird asking- mostly thanks to a 'well-meaning' bishop who made me feel guilty during my teenage years because I would ask the men in my ward (usually my friend's dads whom I knew and trusted) because I was taking them away from their families. Now that I'm grown and still single, most of the men I know are married and I feel even worse asking-and even worry that it is inappropriate of me to do so. I don't know who my Home Teachers are and I have NEVER been comfortable asking complete strangers for help, let alone something as personal as a blessing. Mr. Wonderful is a Melchizedek Priesthood holder, but all I will say is he is working on some stuff and leave it at that.

The reason I'm bringing this up-aside from the fact I've been thinking about this forever-is yesterday I received some not so great news. I'm not dying, and I am not sick, and it's not horrible, but it's not great news, either. I don't want to share it here (I am happy to tell you privately), but I am more broken than I had originally thought and hoped, and I am feeling very scared, worried, and very very alone. I want a blessing now, but because of my sillyness I can't bring myself to ask anyone-not even Mr. Wonderful's dad because I'm afraid of being a burden. I know that you can't use the Priesthood on yourself and in order for it to bless you you have it to use it to bless, serve, and help others, but I am so worried about being anyone's burden it keeps me from asking, and then I feel like I am when I do. I know it's ridiculous, but because I only got them for the 'big things' growing up I'm not used to asking for them whenever I feel like I need it-or even when I know I do.

I'm just so glad that Mr. Wonderful has the Priesthood and he will be able to use it in our home-and I am even happier that he will be able to bless and lead our family in a way my dad was not able to. 

life goes on

Four years ago today I experienced my first major loss. My Uncle Gregg passed away unexpectedly, and four years later I still can't talk about it without tearing up. Yes, I had lost grandparents before then, but with the exception of my Gramma VanderLinden I had been very young, and Grammy had been sick so although it was hard, we knew they had lived their lives and had time to adjust to what was coming. Uncle Gregg was young-only 59, so we had no reason to think he would leave us so unexpectedly. Apparently Heavenly Father decided He needed him more than we did, and that was that. It's hard to believe it's been four years because the sting is still the same, and I still have a hole in my heart with him gone. I had to double check my math because I thought it had only been three years. What a true testament that life does in fact, go on.

My Uncle Gregg is my best friend's (best-cousins as we called it growing up) dad. I spent almost as much time at their house as I did my own growing up, and as a result Uncle Gregg and Aunt Tracy became my second parents of sorts.

Uncle Gregg was a great man-he loved life, the Gospel, his family, good music, and good food. He was such a wonderful example of Christ-like love. Now I know people tend to canonize their loved ones, but he was a good good man. He and my dad were close-and I will always be grateful they had such a good relationship. They shared a kinship having both served in the Marines (Oorah!), as well as sharing a love of weird food like milk toast, liver and onions, and cheese so sharp the weak need not apply. They both always had facial hair (a beard for him, and a goatee for my pa), with the exception of when Gregg was serving in the Bishopric and he had it shaved. Man that was weird.

Gregg always greeted me with a big smile and an even bigger hug (I knew before I did anything I had to go find him and say hello otherwise I knew there would be a playful scolding for not coming to see him first), and I always liked to think he loved me as much as he did his six girls. I will always cherish the memories I have of him.

I miss him every day, and I wish we could have had him longer so Mr. Wonderful could have met him. I think they really would have liked each other. Some days (like today) are harder than others, but although I'm sad he's gone for now I'm comforted knowing I'll see him again because families are forever. How grateful I am for that knowledge!

Today I think I'll have a corned beef sandwich and some strawberry ice cream just for him. :)

big things are commin' my way

Or at least I hope so.

For the past few days-lie-weeks I have just had the feeling something big, something GREAT is on the horizon for me.

The only problem? I have no idea what it is.

An engagement? Possibly (although I'm not holding my breath for this one.)
A new home? Hopefully (I have been looking-but either way I WILL be moving in February.)
Finally achieving my goal and playing a leading role? Doubtful as I haven't auditioned for anything, but it's a nice thought.
The news for my big secret being good news? Hopefully.

All I know is I feel like a little kid waiting for Christmas. Hopefully HF will see fit to share His little secret with me soon, cause I'm DYING.