Yesterday my sweet Riss posted about momma's boys, and I feel awful about the diatribe I left on her comments. I won't lie; this post is mainly for her so that I may redeem myself for the snarky comments I made and hopefully give a little perspective. For the rest of you have a good laugh on me as this is not my brightest shining moment and I allowed myself to become the complete contradiction of what I believe a woman should be.
The year was 2000, and I was working as an assistant event coordinator for the Hollywood Connection (ho-co), and by boss decided to set me up with her son-who also worked at the Ho-Co. Momma's Boy was months away from serving his mission, so although I had a little crush on him I knew it really wouldn't go anywhere. Aside from a couple dates (that his mom had a fairly big hand in) nothing really did.
It wasn't until he came home 18 months early due to health problems that it really got interesting. By this time I had just started dating Superman Lover (don't judge; momma's boy never said/did anything to make me think we were anything more than people who had gone on a couple dates before he left, and I told him I would only promise to not get married while he was gone. I was allowed to date other guys!), and Momma's Boy coming home really threw a wrench in the cog work. I remember one instance after I told him about Superman Lover that he called me and wanted to have an airing of grievances-which he was totally allowed to btw. It was the fact that he did it upon his mother's suggestion, with his mother's guidance, and I even remember sitting on his mother's bed to have it. For some reason that had all just rubbed me wrong. Although I fully admit I had wronged him I couldn't help but feel bugged that an almost 20 year old man was still running to his mother for this. I realize I'm super independent and always have been, but to me this was borderline extreme. I'm all for going to your parents for support, but I would never dream of allowing them to play puppet master in MY life. After this incident I began to space myself from that situation-because it was really awkward and for someone who said they wanted to date me he wasn't really making any effort to do so. The last time I ever went over to his house was probably the most uncomfortable situation I've ever put myself in. Not only was I getting the cold shoulder from mom, I was getting it from everyone else, too. It was then that I realized if I were to marry this guy every time we had a disagreement he would run to his mom and his siblings making something that was between he and I into a situation of me against the whole family. I knew I would never be happy in that situation, and that was a deal breaker for me. I walked way and never looked back.
Fast forward five-ish years.
My engagement to Superman Lover had ended about eight months prior, and I decided I was ready to start wading back into the dating pool. In my not so brightest moment I enrolled on some LDS dating site, and who should appear as my number one compatibility match but momma's boy. Going against my better judgement (I was convinced on a site THAT large him not only popping up as my number one, but also within the first week of joining this was too odd to ignore), I reached out, he replied, and we ended up on another (lackluster) date. Like a fool I let him kiss me at the end of said date and then we got to talking. I could feel the twinge of attraction returning so I asked him if maybe he could give me another chance to prove I had changed. This was his reply: "I have to talk to my mom first." No, I'm NOT kidding. A 25-year old man needed to talk to his mom before dating a girl. I was asking for a chance, not a proposal. I was again reminded that should anything happen there would be three people in that relationship: me, him, and mommy. I wish I could say I immediately cut bait and walked away, but I didn't. I was stupid and twitterpated, and engaged in not so great activities that I wish more than anything I could erase. My only defense is I was stupid, stupid, stupid.
I did learn my lesson though. I will NEVER date/attempt to date a momma's boy. A man who loves and respects the woman who birthed him? Definitely. A man who needs to ask mommy's permission/input before deciding what to have for breakfast? No thanks. There needs to come a time when men stop relying on their parents, put on their big-boy underwear, and start making decisions for themselves. Something momma's boy clearly hadn't figured out how to do...
Yet another reason Mr. Wonderful is a keeper: he's no momma's boy.
2 comments:
Mama's boys make me shudder. I love my mother-in-law. She has raised two sons who love and adore her, respect her, and don't allow her to run their lives. The same is true of her six daughters. My mother also raised a gaggle of very independent children. I couldn't imagine having to get either of our mothers' approval before we could breath each morning. *shudder
I love this story Kristen!
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