Auditioning is scary, stressful, and a great way to get your hopes super high one minute, and completely dashed the next.
Unfortunately for me if I want to perform it's a necessary evil. What's even more unfortunate is I have performance anxiety of sorts. I don't know what to make of it. I can get up and perform in front of hundreds of people I don't know and not bat an eyelash. In fact-I actually LOVE the rush I get right before I go out. But put me in a little room with a panel of people (friend or not)? I experience a Pavlovian response and CHOKE, no matter how prepared I am. It's quite frustrating.
Tuesday night I had an audition. This time it's for 'Joseph' with Murray City. I was nervous, but I was ready. Monologue down? Check. Song ready to go? Check. Nerves in control? Hell no. Doesn't matter how many breathing exercises I do, or what I picture when I'm up there (FYI usually Disneyland or Mr. Wonderful), that I've worked with these people before, or that they know me, they like me, and they know the awesome I am capable of. Without fail I let my nerves and insecurities take over and I choke. Every. effing. time.
My awesome friend Steve was there accompanying me. He has helped me with my audition anxiety and he said this was the best audition he'd ever seen me have, so there may be hope yet. But I am my own worst critic and all I can think about is I NAILED my monologue, but my singing left something to be desired. Hello? Miss Kristen are you a dope? I'm a singer first and foremost. It's what I DO---yet I couldn't find the notes OR the timing? Gah. They didn't say anything to me after, but I'm pretty sure they're waiting until auditions finish tonight to make any announcements. I'm trying really really hard not to get my hopes up, but we'll see. Either way it is what it is and I'll keep you posted for sure.
2 comments:
I so understand what you are talking about here. I still haven't found anything to take that anxiety away. And I had to sing for the entire vocal faculty every quarter while I was getting my music degree. The last couple of times have been the easiest for me, but even still, I'd rather get a root canal.
Auditions aren't my favorite, either. I get so worked up about the things I can't control (am I the right age, body type that the director wants?) that I've been known to psych myself out, too. Plus there's the fact that I'm a better actress than singer, so whenever I have to sing at the initial audition I just pray I'll do well enough to get a callback and have a chance to show off my strengths.
Sometimes I can't believe that we do that to ourselves -- we are just ASKING to be rejected -- but when it works out and we get the parts we want it's so worth it!
Keep me posted! I have my fingers crossed for you!
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