a tale of two auditions

Well folks, I never thought it would happen, but it did. What, might you ask? Pull a seat up and I'll tell you. Brace yourself; I'm about to take FAR too long to tell the shortest story ever.

 Last week I did the risky move of auditioning for two shows. Two very different shows (a whimsical musical and a comedic straight play) that would be in rehearsal at the same time. After a lot of debate and persuasion from Sparky and Piano Man they convinced me to try out for both by telling me the worst thing that would happen is that I would be cast in both and have to choose. Of course this is me we're talking about so I knew that wouldn't be an issue. I must admit I would have been lying if I said I wasn't a little worried about the tiny possibility of being invited to both.

Wednesday I went to audition #1, waited 2.5 hours, missed tap, and then completely bombed. (No, this isn't an exaggeration. I was embarrassingly awful, and yes I was prepared so I can't blame it on that). I left not expecting anything, but amazingly enough I was invited to call backs on Saturday, and bombed again. The sad thing was I was more upset with myself for failing to be as good as I know I can be and for missing tap on Wednesday then I was about the fact I knew I wouldn't be getting a casting call.

After the failed callback I headed over to Audition #2. Aside from a tiny stumble during my monologue this audition went surprisingly well. They thanked me and told me I would know by Monday, so I thanked them for their time, and headed home. I have only had a feeling-that confident 'I nailed this-the role is mine' feeling after an audition twice. This audition and the callback for when I played Emily Arden in State Fair. I felt pretty confident but I tried not to get my hopes up and to not stress the rest of the weekend. (The closest thing I did to counting my eggs before they hatched was reserving a copy of the script from the library just in case.) Other than that I pretty much didn't think about it again and I didn't stress. Not. One. Bit.

Monday finally rolled around, and guess what? I got a call. The best part? It's a LEAD. Me. I finally did well enough to earn a LEADING ROLE. I will be playing Ruth in Blithe Spirit at the Empress in Magna. The more I read the script the more I love it, the cast is spectacular, and I will be working with several friends again-including Stephen! I am beyond psyched, I'm scared out of my mind, and I can't wait to start rehearsals on Saturday!

The show will run May 4-24 on Fridays, Saturdays, and Mondays. I'll post more the closer it gets, but mark your calendars now!

come on down to the creek...

City Creek, that is. Last night Sparky and I visited the brand new City Creek Shopping Center. Although I heard on the news they expected over 50,000 people to visit opening day I was just too curious to wait. Here are a few highlights:

-It was busy, but WASN'T wall-to-wall people like we thought it would be.
-For some odd reason the new smell of everything made me happy.
-Trying on a $37,000 engagement ring at Tiffany & Co. yes it was GORGEOUS, and yes I day dreamed about it the rest of the night.
-Utah has a DISNEY STORE again!! (although there was a Disneyland-esque line to get in so we skipped it. What I could see from the windows was lovely.)
-The weather was perfect.
-There are a few bargain stores-I got a cute bracelet at Love Culture for $2.00!
-The Kneaders is HUGE, and surprisingly efficient. When you go say 'hi' to Tui (too-EE) for me.
-The only stores that validate are Nordies and Macy's-or maybe it's H&M, I can't remember. So unless you want to pay $2.00/hour for parking ride Trax and literally be dropped off at the front door.
-Getting yelled at by the po-pos because apparently jay walking is illegal... (whoops)
-Spending the evening window shopping with Sparky.
-Walking around slack-jawed at how much some women are willing to spend on a formal dress ($800)
-The sky walk separating the two malls was our favorite-SO BEAUTIFUL!!
-Although I won't realistically ever shop there I WILL go to just walk around and enjoy the weather. (That and it's easier to window shop when you can't even pretend to afford anything you're looking at.)

All in all it was a great night, and I highly recommend you visit-and SOON. (If the crowds weren't that bad on opening night y'all will be fine--PROMISE.

And if anyone needs someone to go with them, I'll go again. It was WAY cool.

what a momma's boy

Well boys and girls, here's the post I was previously not going to post after all...

Yesterday my sweet Riss posted about momma's boys, and I feel awful about the diatribe I left on her comments. I won't lie; this post is mainly for her so that I may redeem myself for the snarky comments I made and hopefully give a little perspective. For the rest of you have a good laugh on me as this is not my brightest shining moment and I allowed myself to become the complete contradiction of what I believe a woman should be.

The year was 2000, and I was working as an assistant event coordinator for the Hollywood Connection (ho-co), and by boss decided to set me up with her son-who also worked at the Ho-Co. Momma's Boy was months away from serving his mission, so although I had a little crush on him I knew it really wouldn't go anywhere. Aside from a couple dates (that his mom had a fairly big hand in) nothing really did.

It wasn't until he came home 18 months early due to health problems that it really got interesting. By this time I had just started dating Superman Lover (don't judge; momma's boy never said/did anything to make me think we were anything more than people who had gone on a couple dates before he left, and I told him I would only promise to not get married while he was gone. I was allowed to date other guys!), and Momma's Boy coming home really threw a wrench in the cog work. I remember one instance after I told him about Superman Lover that he called me and wanted to have an airing of grievances-which he was totally allowed to btw. It was the fact that he did it upon his mother's suggestion, with his mother's guidance, and I even remember sitting on his mother's bed to have it. For some reason that had all just rubbed me wrong. Although I fully admit I had wronged him I couldn't help but feel bugged that an almost 20 year old man was still running to his mother for this. I realize I'm super independent and always have been, but to me this was borderline extreme. I'm all for going to your parents for support, but I would never dream of allowing them to play puppet master in MY life. After this incident I began to space myself from that situation-because it was really awkward and for someone who said they wanted to date me he wasn't really making any effort to do so. The last time I ever went over to his house was probably the most uncomfortable situation I've ever put myself in. Not only was I getting the cold shoulder from mom, I was getting it from everyone else, too. It was then that I realized if I were to marry this guy every time we had a disagreement he would run to his mom and his siblings making something that was between he and I into a situation of me against the whole family. I knew I would never be happy in that situation, and that was a deal breaker for me. I walked way and never looked back.

Fast forward five-ish years.

My engagement to Superman Lover had ended about eight months prior, and I decided I was ready to start wading back into the dating pool. In my not so brightest moment I enrolled on some LDS dating site, and who should appear as my number one compatibility match but momma's boy. Going against my better judgement (I was convinced on a site THAT large him not only popping up as my number one, but also within the first week of joining this was too odd to ignore), I reached out, he replied, and we ended up on another (lackluster) date. Like a fool I let him kiss me at the end of said date and then we got to talking. I could feel the twinge of attraction returning so I asked him if maybe he could give me another chance to prove I had changed. This was his reply: "I have to talk to my mom first." No, I'm NOT kidding. A 25-year old man needed to talk to his mom before dating a girl. I was asking for a chance, not a proposal. I was again reminded that should anything happen there would be three people in that relationship: me, him, and mommy. I wish I could say I immediately cut bait and walked away, but I didn't. I was stupid and twitterpated, and engaged in not so great activities that I wish more than anything I could erase. My only defense is I was stupid, stupid, stupid.

I did learn my lesson though. I will NEVER date/attempt to date a momma's boy. A man who loves and respects the woman who birthed him? Definitely. A man who needs to ask mommy's permission/input before deciding what to have for breakfast? No thanks. There needs to come a time when men stop relying on their parents, put on their big-boy underwear, and start making decisions for themselves. Something momma's boy clearly hadn't figured out how to do...

Yet another reason Mr. Wonderful is a keeper: he's no momma's boy.

life goes on

Four years ago today I experienced my first major loss. My Uncle Gregg passed away unexpectedly, and four years later I still can't talk about it without tearing up. Yes, I had lost grandparents before then, but with the exception of my Gramma VanderLinden I had been very young, and Grammy had been sick so although it was hard, we knew they had lived their lives and had time to adjust to what was coming. Uncle Gregg was young-only 59, so we had no reason to think he would leave us so unexpectedly. Apparently Heavenly Father decided He needed him more than we did, and that was that. It's hard to believe it's been four years because the sting is still the same, and I still have a hole in my heart with him gone. I had to double check my math because I thought it had only been three years. What a true testament that life does in fact, go on.

My Uncle Gregg is my best friend's (best-cousins as we called it growing up) dad. I spent almost as much time at their house as I did my own growing up, and as a result Uncle Gregg and Aunt Tracy became my second parents of sorts.

Uncle Gregg was a great man-he loved life, the Gospel, his family, good music, and good food. He was such a wonderful example of Christ-like love. Now I know people tend to canonize their loved ones, but he was a good good man. He and my dad were close-and I will always be grateful they had such a good relationship. They shared a kinship having both served in the Marines (Oorah!), as well as sharing a love of weird food like milk toast, liver and onions, and cheese so sharp the weak need not apply. They both always had facial hair (a beard for him, and a goatee for my pa), with the exception of when Gregg was serving in the Bishopric and he had it shaved. Man that was weird.

Gregg always greeted me with a big smile and an even bigger hug (I knew before I did anything I had to go find him and say hello otherwise I knew there would be a playful scolding for not coming to see him first), and I always liked to think he loved me as much as he did his six girls. I will always cherish the memories I have of him.

I miss him every day, and I wish we could have had him longer so Mr. Wonderful could have met him. I think they really would have liked each other. Some days (like today) are harder than others, but although I'm sad he's gone for now I'm comforted knowing I'll see him again because families are forever. How grateful I am for that knowledge!

Today I think I'll have a corned beef sandwich and some strawberry ice cream just for him. :)

that was close

Apparently I have reached the point in my blogging where I no longer remember what I have already written about.

Lucky for you as I was typing it all sounded familiar so I searched back and I HAD in fact written something similar last summer. Similar, but not the same.

Now the question is this-if I were to go ahead and post it anyway, would you think I've really lost it?

Do you even care?

needy pants

For the past week Mr. Wonderful has been sick. REALLY sick. For those of you who know Mr. Wonderful this is a BIG DEAL. He never gets sick. With the exception of the "Disneyland Swine Flu Incident of 2009" I have never seen him be really floored by anything. He's one of those people who can take some Ny-Quil, get a good night's sleep, and be fine the next morning. Because he has been feeling so terrible and I am just starting to feel normal again after my months worth of back/neck problems he has forbidden me to come around. I'm sure the fact that I am a complete BEAR when I don't feel well has nothing to do with this decision either...riiight.

Just when we thought he was getting better a trip to InstaCare yesterday revealed he's got pink eye now, too. At least I can take comfort in the fact the strep test was negative and his lungs and chest sounded great, right? Can I just say how much I hate it? I hate not seeing him, knowing that he's miserable and there's nothing I can do, and my inner nurturer especially hates not being able take care of him. The thing I hate the most is how irritable I have been this week not having him around.

Needing someone is always construed as being such a negative thing, but I need Mr. Wonderful around. If I've had anything confirmed to me this week is this: I CAN manage without Mr. Wonderful, I just don't WANT to. I am lucky to have a man who is constantly encouraging me to pursue my own interests, have my own friends, and be my own person, but I'm better when we're together. He brings out the best in me and he makes me want to be the best person possible because that's what he deserves. He is the steady keel to my random crazy, and as a result I'm just happier when he's around.  

If that makes me needy, then guilty as charged. I'm a simple person and I don't need a lot to be happy. I'm not always looking for something bigger and better. I'm content just being able to sit on the couch and watch a movie with my sweetie. When I can't do that it makes me grumpy. I just know I can't wait until he's no longer sick. Any good juju/happy thoughts/prayers you want to send his way would be greatly appreciated.

the crucible: grand theatre



Photo Courtesy of Salt Lake Community College

 Last night Sparky and I had to opportunity to see The Grand's production of The Crucible. It was written by Arthur Miller in 1952 and although it is a dramatization of the Salem witch trials, Miller wrote it as an allegory of McCarthyism, and many of the themes still hold true today.

*Forgive me, I forgot my program so I am unable to credit anyone by name except my friend Jon.*

The show opens on Reverend Parris (my good friend and the insanely talented Jon McBride) praying over his seemingly unconscious daughter Betty while neice Abigail Williams stands by. Parris caught Betty, Abigail, and a few other friends dancing by firelight in the forest-allegedly conjuring with Parris' slave from Barbados, Tituba. Upon being caught dancing Betty fainted and is unresponsive. Witchcraft is immediately suspected, although Parris is hesitant to concede to this conclusion as he is not well-liked by his parrish and is worried how this will affect his already ill-standing. John Procter then arrives to Salem to find out what has happened and it is quickly revealed that Abigail had an affair with him while she was working in his home and that is why she is now living with Parris.

Reverend John Hale is then summoned from Beverly to help with Betty and confirm if her stupor is really the Devil's hand at work. Once Hale begins examining Betty she comes out of her stupor and she and Abigail sing a list of names of people whom they have seen with the Devil, including Procter's wife Elizabeth.

From there things snowball and the girls begin accusing everyone and anyone in their village of dealing with the Devil. Eventually High Judges are brought in to 'try' each accused, and their death certificates are all but signed unless they agree to confess to wrong doing and 'return to Jesus'.

Director Mark Fossen has done a wonderful job of bringing this story to life, by not only telling it in a way that is very straightforward, but also making it impossible for the audience to not take the subject matter personally. Fossen did a very good job of instilling fear by attacking every sense he could-an eerie green light (actors were top and bottom lit) with a blood-red back lit scrim and townspeople in silhouette chanting/whispering/singing (honestly I don't know what it was, but man was it chilling) with every mention of witchcraft, and by slowly closing in the Grand's well-grand-stage by flying in additional set pieces as the story progressed and the characters became more stubborn and set in their ways. This introduced a new layer of claustrophobia and discomfort to me as a viewer I would not have experienced otherwise.

The casting was well-done-I immediately felt compassion towards Goody Procter and those who were wrongly accused, extreme dislike and then compassion towards Mary Warren as she wrongfully accused and then struggled with the consequences that came as she tried to withdraw her accusations as well as proving the others were lying too. I immediately disliked Abigail and knew she was a jealous, unstable young girl who would do anything necessary to get what she wanted. I especially loved John Procter. He was perfect; angry and defiant one minute, broken and down trodden at the realization of his mistakes the next.
Jon's Reverend Parris and Governor Danforth were especially infuriating how they staunchly held to the fact they were doing the Lord's work and their willingness to let innocent people lose their lives because of their pride-even in spite of realizing they were wrong and had fallen not only into Abigail's lies, but also the lies of the people who stood to gain financially as people were murdered one by one. I'm still pissed almost an entire day later.  

This production of The Crucible  is possibly the best I have ever seen. It strikes chords and runs an eerie parallel not only to the issues facing our society today, but also how so many people use their positions to instill hatred and fear to the people they lead with their own stubborn, hateful acts because they believe they are 'doing God's work'.

Please make time to see the 'The Crucible'  at the Grand. It runs now through March 24.

Curtain is promptly at 7:30 p.m. at The Grand Theatre, 1575 S. State St., Salt Lake City

$10-$24. Call 801-957-3322 or visit http://www.the-grand.org/ for more information.

failure

Repeatedly putting yourself out there and failing to achieve your goals is draining. It's so draining that at some point you begin to question if repeated failures is the universe telling you it's time to pursue other options. Everyone has something they aren't as successful at as they would like, yet we still try over and over.

Unlucky in love? That's ok. Just keep dating. By dating all the wrong ones the right one will come along eventually.
Idle in your career? Keep working hard and putting yourself out there. Your boss will promote you eventually.
You want more than anything to be part of the team, the show, the band, whatever, but you keep falling short. Just keep practicing and going out for it; you're bound to make it sooner or later.

Lucy will never let Charlie kick the damn football; but he never passes on the opportunity to try. We all know what's going to happen, but he still goes for it time and time again. Like everyone else I've been Charlie more than Lucy for sure, but how many times do you try-and fail-at the same thing before you decide to conserve what dignity you have left and just quit? Einstein said it best, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." When does perseverance turn into insanity? It's a fine line, for sure.

I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer-I promise I'm perfectly content as I type this. This is something that's weighed on me for a while, so I'm just trying to figure out when it's ok to say 'enough is enough'. If I can do it without being branded bitter or a quitter all the better. In my life I haven't experienced enough of the sweet to fully understand and appreciate the bitter so I think I'm more willing to give up than those who have experienced more of the opposite.

I think society does us a huge disservice by highlighting only the successes of well-known figures and celebrities. For every one over night success is another ten people who worked their asses off for the same success.

I came across this list the other day-I'm sure there are dozens more like it on the interwebs-I can't even vouch for its accuracy. I can say after reading just a few of these stories I don't know whether to be reassured that I can still make it or to be discouraged; because by the looks of it I have a long way to go:

Abraham Lincoln received no more than 5 years of formal education throughout his lifetime. When he grew up, he joined politics and had 12 major failures before he was elected the 16th President of the United States of America. (Some would argue he was one of the best Presidents in American history...)

Thomas Edison developed many devices which greatly influenced life in the 20th century. Edison is considered one of the most prolific inventors in history, holding 1,093 U.S patents to his name. When he was a boy his teacher told him he was too stupid to learn anything. When he set out on his own, he tried more than 9,000 experiments before he created the first successful light bulb.

By acclamation, Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all time. A phenomenal athlete with a unique combination of grace, speed, power, artistry, improvisational ability and an unquenchable competitive desire. Jordan single-handedly redefined the NBA superstar. Before joining NBA, Jordan was just an ordinary person, so ordinary that was cut from his high school basketball team because of his "lack of skill".

Walt Disney was American film producer, director, screenwriter, voice actor, and animator. One of the most well-known motion picture producers in the world, Disney founded a production company. The corporation, now known as The Walt Disney company, makes average revenue of US $30 billion annually. Disney started his own business from his home garage and his very first cartoon production went bankrupt. During his first press conference, a newspaper editor ridiculed Walt Disney because he had no good ideas in film production.

Albert Einstein was a theoretical physicist widely regarded as the most important scientist of the 20th century. He was awarded the 1921 Nobel Prize for Physics for his explanation of the photoelectric effect in 1905 and "for his services to Theoretical Physics". However, when Einstein was young, his parents thought he was mentally retarded. His grades in school were so poor that a teacher asked him to quit, saying, "Einstein, you will never amount to anything!" *he also failed the entrance exams to the Swiss Polytechnic Institute.

In 1947, one year into her contract, Marilyn Monroe was dropped by 20th Century-Fox because her producer thought she was unattractive and could not act. That didn't deter her at all! She kept on going and eventually she was recognized by the public as the 20th century's most famous movie star, sex symbol and pop icon. (Miss Kristen's note: For the sake of argument we'll pretend that she didn't suffer a complete meltdown due to her lack of confidence in herself.)

John Grisham's first novel was rejected by sixteen agents and twelve publishing houses. He went on writing and writing until he became best known as a novelist and author for his works of modern legal drama. The media has coined him as one of the best novel authors even alive in the 21st century.

If that (partial) list isn't interesting enough here are a few more.

• Muhammad Ali graduated 376th from a high school class of 391 students.

• Julia Roberts auditioned for All My Children but didn’t get the part.

• Dick Cheney flunked out of Yale University—twice.

• Let's not forget about Donald Trump. He is known for his Phoenix-like comebacks.

Maybe I'll keep trying--for now, anyway...

joke's on you

So today I finally figured out how to find and read my stats for my blog. (Hint: check out the new layout)

It was all very fun to look at-thanks for the shout outs Most Happy Girl and Riss!! Not only can I see where people are viewing from, but how they got here. My favorite part was the google searches that led people to my blog. I don't know whether to be offended or laugh hysterically at the number one search:

1 eyed monster: 8

cutefox15: 4

thank you: 2

cutefox15.blogspot.com: 1

dancing monster gif: 1

pictures that make you laugh: 1

thank you very much: 1

So I guess the joke's on the eight people who were searching for...less savory options when they came across my blog.

sitting waiting wishing

I've decided there's something worse than rejection. Waiting to find out if you've been rejected or not. I especially hate when they say you'll hear something Saturday, Sunday, or Monday at the latest. We all know you're gonna let us know on Monday, so why make us torture ourselves the other two days? If I didn't know better I'd say it's because they enjoy watching us squirm. Too bad for you you haven't seen me every time my phone 'pings' with an email notification...it's quite funny. (Yes, I probably should turn the notifications off-at least through tonight, but then I would resort to manually checking it every five minutes. I'll take the small heart-attack with each 'ping!' over being called obsessive...)

Seriously.

Yes, I'm still waiting to find out if I've earned the privilege of playing the Narrator in 'Joseph' or not. I wish I didn't care about this so much-it would make waiting SO much easier...my man Jack has been running through my head all day...enjoy.

(At least I can take comfort in the fact that I WILL know by the end of tonight as the read-through is tomorrow...right?)

what a pain in the neck

I just can't seem to get a break. Three weeks ago I threw my back out. Then on Tuesday my neck started to bother me. Just as I was starting to feel normal again. Sheesh.

At first I thought it was because I slept on it funny and shrugged it off. Three days later not only does it still hurt, but the pain has traveled from my SCM muscle into the superior and medial parts of my Trapezius. (Sorry, my anatomy class rears its ugly head again.) I'm pretty sure now it's all stress-I was at my audition and SUPER stressed when it first started to hurt and I can pinpoint the source of pain, but I'm just not rad enough in my massage skills to work on myself and get it to let go and relax. This afternoon I did a web search to see if there was anything I could do to find some relief and make it through the day, and apparently I'm going to die. I typed in 'neck and shoulder pain relief' and every result listed something along the lines of 'neck and shoulder pain can be the symptom of more serious issues like stroke, heart attack, cancer, and meningitis.' REALLY? I just want to know how to make it through the day and now I'm freaking out that I have meningitis and am going to die before I get there. I know that's what happens when you try to be your own doctor, but come on.


If Web Md is right and I DO drop dead today I just want you all to know that I love you.

stage fright

Auditioning is one of the few things that makes me look forward to visiting my lady doctor.
Auditioning is scary, stressful, and a great way to get your hopes super high one minute, and completely dashed the next.
Unfortunately for me if I want to perform it's a necessary evil. What's even more unfortunate is I have performance anxiety of sorts. I don't know what to make of it. I can get up and perform in front of hundreds of people I don't know and not bat an eyelash. In fact-I actually LOVE the rush I get right before I go out. But put me in a little room with a panel of people (friend or not)? I experience a Pavlovian response and CHOKE, no matter how prepared I am. It's quite frustrating.

Tuesday night I had an audition. This time it's for 'Joseph' with Murray City. I was nervous, but I was ready. Monologue down? Check. Song ready to go? Check. Nerves in control? Hell no. Doesn't matter how many breathing exercises I do, or what I picture when I'm up there (FYI usually Disneyland or Mr. Wonderful), that I've worked with these people before, or that they know me, they like me, and they know the awesome I am capable of. Without fail I let my nerves and insecurities take over and I choke. Every. effing. time.

My awesome friend Steve was there accompanying me. He has helped me with my audition anxiety and he said this was the best audition he'd ever seen me have, so there may be hope yet. But I am my own worst critic and all I can think about is I NAILED my monologue, but my singing left something to be desired. Hello? Miss Kristen are you a dope? I'm a singer first and foremost. It's what I DO---yet I couldn't find the notes OR the timing? Gah. They didn't say anything to me after, but I'm pretty sure they're waiting until auditions finish tonight to make any announcements. I'm trying really really hard not to get my hopes up, but we'll see. Either way it is what it is and I'll keep you posted for sure.