When I try to be in touch with this person and try to reconnect with them I get a lot of 'yeah that sounds like fun, I'll let you know', and more importantly, 'we need to get together to talk about this', but nothing ever comes to fruition. They are the ones with the schedule conflicts so I ask them to let me know what days/nights work for them and I'll make it happen. They say ok, sounds good, then NOTHING. Honestly it feels like a brush-off. I'm at a loss. I want to save this relationship, but not only do I NOT know what I need to do-but also I feel like the other person doesn't care enough to try. I can't do it alone, but I'm also not going to be a nag about it. Am I asking for too much for it to be a team effort? I know they have a lot on their plate, I KNOW they're going through a lot, and I don't have any desire to add to the burden, but I also know what they're willing to save, and it feels like our friendship isn't on that list. That hurts. A lot.
So dear readers, I'm coming to YOU. I hope I have kept it as unbiased as possible because I need to know what you would do in this situation. Should I continue to try and save something that is becoming more and more one-sided or should I just let go and move on?
3 comments:
I am in this same situation with a friend, only I am the one being vague about scheduling and non-reciprocation. I feel she has been very judgemental towards me and some of my choices. As a result, I no longer wish to share things about my life with her, nor do I wish to "hang out" with her. As tough as this may be to swallow, her harsh, judgemental words to me were the deal breaker in our friendship. It's easier to just avoid contact, and be polite, than to say, "I don't want to be friends anymore."
I don't know if that's the case with your friend or not. She may just be really busy, or forgetful. Or she may just not realize that you've pretty much left the ball in her court.
I had an experience with another (supposed) best friend, where I was the one doing all the calling, I was there for her when her husband cheated on her, I was the one making plans to hang out. When I had a bad day, and needed a shoulder, she wasn't available.
When I realized that I was doing all the work in the relationship, it bothered me. I waited to see how long it would take her to call me, or suggest hanging out. Not only did I not hear from her for 3 weeks, but she completely overlooked my birthday. At that point, I just let the relationship dissolve. To this day, she still doesn't realize what happened to our friendship.
It got to the point where I realized that people have time for the things and people in their lives that they WANT to have time for.
My words were harsh, yes, but not judgemental. This is NOT the case at all, but the closest thing I can relate it to without going into a lot of detail is handing a friend/family member battling addiction. You know they're hurting themself, they think they can control the situation, and the resulting words are harsh and honest, but also come from a place of love and frustration. I'm in no way saying I'm faultless here-it's a sticky situation all around.
I just had thought that after 16 years of friendship we could say "I don't want to be friends anymore." I'm just at a loss.
One-sided relationships suck. I understand how you're feeling to a degree - you love this person and it's difficult for you to just shut the door on that. My suggestion? Take them cookies, a card, something. Just show up at their front door. Let them know that you love them and that if they need you, you are there. In other words, the door is still open, the ball is in their court. Walk away and know that when they desire a relationship with you, it will come. Good luck!
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