Impassioned. Spirited. Fiery. Intense. Audacious.Bold. Gritty. Gutsy. Hot. High-Spirited. Direct.
Straightforward. Uncomplicated. Rational.
Strong Willed.
To be honest I am always surprised when I look these words up and don’t see my picture next to them. They embody me. Almost to a “T”. Granted I am so much more than these few words, but they all play a HUGE part in defining who I am. For most, you either love me or hate me because of these traits. Most people who love me love the fact that I will call it like I see it. The same is for the people who hate me. If you want a straightforward answer, you come to me.
Because of these traits I am kinda scary when it comes to people I love. I get so invested in the situation their pain becomes mine and I want to do anything I can to stop it-to the point of becoming overbearing and pushy-because I know best, after all. Even when I become this way it always comes from a place of love NOT bossiness. I just can't stand to watch people I love make stupid decisions that cause them pain.
I have a friend. I couldn’t love them more if they were my own flesh and blood. We have been through thick and thin, the trials of adolescence, the ‘figuring out who we are’ young adult stage, and growing into adulthood together. I am the Cee Cee Bloom to her Hilary Whitney. No matter what we have always and will always have each other’s back.
This person is experiencing some struggles. Although I understand why they continue to allow the hurt they are experiencing I also feel they are being somewhat of a glutton. They know the stove is hot, yet they repeatedly put their hand in the fire to be burned, and become upset when the effect is always the same. This person has asked for my support, and because of my passion-both for the people I love and in general-I don’t know how to give it without becoming involved to the point it affects my well-being. Not knowing what else to do I removed myself from that particular situation because honestly my passion and inability to see shades of grey wasn’t helping matters any. This has been viewed as a betrayal and me making it about me-not them.
Last night was another discussion with Mr. Wonderful regarding this issue and he suggested taking the passive, politician approach meaning I reiterate the advice that has already been given, tell them my position on the matter has not changed, and I will help where I can once they decide to take a different approach. This is such a foreign idea to me. I don’t know how to be passive. To be honest I don’t know if I CAN. I have never been passive a day in my life and this new approach is just foreign to me. I want to be there for this person but I can’t continue to watch them cause themselves pain.
Has my removing myself from the situation made it more about me and less about them? How do you “passively support” someone?
1 comment:
I don't know if there's a good answer to the passive vs. passionate question. We are who we are, but we also need to allow other people to make their own choices without it taking over us completely. I see this over and over with Mr. Perfect's kids. The two oldest have decided to choose their mom over their dad. They will contact him when they want something (usually money) but don't want him in their lives otherwise. It's been especially hard with his second daughter because they were so close, and she used to defend him when the older sister would attack. He can't remove himself from his kids' lives. We both know that's not an option. But I have a really hard time watching him being used by them and then ignored or openly mistreated. Because the oldest has always chosen her mom's side, he's been dealing with this for years, but it's fresh for me. He will be there for them when they need it, but he also tells me that I don't have to. If a request comes to me for something, I now have the right to say no. In fact, he told me the next time the younger daughter asks for something, I shouldn't even consider it. I should just say "Hmm...considering how you treat me and your dad, why do you think I shsould do this for you?" This is also a new concept for me. I love these kids and want what's best, but supporting them in things I find harmful or wrong or enabling their treatment of their dad isn't the best for anyone. It is okay to be passive. To look at your friend and say "I can't help you or support what you're doing right now." And it is okay, at times, to consider your own mental and emotional health, otherwise there won't be enough of you to help the next time.
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