day twenty-two

Write a letter to someone who’s hurt me? I’m not going to lie; I’ve been giving this day a lot of thought since I saw this little doo-dad. Since I’m not the kind to air grievances in a public forum I decided from day one that this letter would be to the person who hurts me the most: myself.

Dear Kristen:

You are a strong, loving, beautiful, talented, amazing woman, yet you are constantly selling yourself short. Whenever things don’t go the way you had hoped, worked towards, or  planned, you immediately blame yourself. Why do you do this? Why is it so impossible for you to think that no one but you could be at fault?

It hurts me so much to see you sell yourself short and accept the mediocre instead of the EXTRODINARY- although I do need to commend you on Mr. Wonderful-he is the best decision you’ve made in a long time.

I wish you would believe the nice things people tell you-because they wouldn’t say them if they weren’t true.

I wish you would let yourself believe in your happy ending. I know you’ve been hurt, but by expecting the worst all the time you are missing out on so much.

For hell's sake will you quit being so stubborn all the time and just let people HELP YOU? You don't need to always do it on your own, and asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Please let Mr. Wonderful help you. He loves you and hates to watch you struggle because you are too proud to ask. 

There is so much more I want to tell you, but in the effort to save time I won't. All I will say is you are stronger than you think you are, and you need to give yourself more credit. You have overcome so much and it has made you who you are now. You make your family and the people who love you proud. It’s ok to be proud of yourself too. You’re worth it.

Love,

Kristen

day twenty-one

There are a lot of things that make me happy, but right now she's it:

Allie is so smart, loving, and beautiful. All at the ripe old age of 21 months. I am so proud to be her aunt!

day twenty

They story behind my blog name is rather boring, actually. Although I like to think I'm creative, I'm not. When I decided to start blogging I had been reading through so many other people's blogs and wanted to follow suit. Blogs with their wittiness and clever alliterated names and I wanted to be like them. But all I could come up with was "Foxy and Fabulous" because, well my last name is Fox and I would like to think I lead a fabulous life...but in all honesty I'm not fabulous at all. It's all you wonderful peeps that make me feel fabulous...

she likes it...maybe

So upon reading a Dizzy post from a friend this week I decided I would follow her example and give it a go.

I listened to NPR this morning on my way into work...and I actually ENJOYED it. For those who know me know that although I do my best to keep up with the news I claim no political affiliation whatsoever. Although I have been known to agree with both sides on occasion.

The main reason I don't listen is because I'm a music and pop-culture junkie. I realize it's good to know what's going on in the world, but honestly the state of the world is so depressing I have adopted an "ignorance is bliss" approach. Not to mention by being in the middle politically makes it hard to listen to a station that is known for being RADICALLY liberal-well any radically left or right station actually. That and the fact the NPR broadcasters have the most boring voices. EVER.

But I enjoyed this morning, so hopefully it will be something I can listen to during my commute. Plus I'm not gonna lie. I totally feel smarter just by saying I listened to NPR this morning...

day nineteen

This is one of my favorite pictures of Mr. Wonderful and me. Shows how he REALLY feels about having his picture taken. :)

day eighteen

Lately the thing I crave the most is:

Fountain, please. In dire straights I have been known to get it from the bottle though...

day seventeen

This is Mia familia circa 2009. Allie is no longer an adorable newborn but an adorable toddler with a baby sister coming any day now...

day sixteen

I have a trifecta of celebrity crushes that is as follows (in no particular order):

Bradley Cooper-there's a reason he played Face in A-Team

Ewan McGregor-It's the singing Jedi.
if you haven't seen Moulin Rouge go. NOW.
Thank me later.

Hugh Jackman-He's just dreamy. And I have a thing for men who are
capable of long-term commitment. Watch him with his wife.
You can tell he loves her more today than the day he married her.
Adorable.

Don't worry, Mr. Wonderful knows about these, fully condones them, and he will always be my #1.

day eleven-fifteen

So I fully admit that I'm a slacker...but I have a good excuse. I have been in St. George visiting my awesome family the last few days and honestly...keeping up with the blog was the least of my worries. But here I am, picking up where I left off. I give you days eleven through fifteen for your reading enjoyment:

DAY 11:

My makeup bag. To be honest I have FOUR of these babies-but it's because I do theatre and the others are filled with theatre make-up. This is my main bag-the one that I count on every day to make me pretty. :) I wish I could be one of those women who can go without makeup, but being as I was "one of the lucky ones" who suffered from severe acne during my adolescent and into my adult years I have a hard time going anywhere without it on because I know what my skin looks like underneath.

Mattifier, Powder foundation, blush, eyeshadow primer, eyeshadow, liner, mascara, eyelash curler, concealer, lip balm, stain, and gloss, and bobby pins.

 DAY 12:

I don't have any skyline shots of my lovely SLC valley so I relied on Google:

Salt Lake really is beautiful-when there's no inversion. Or snow. Or snow AND inversion...

DAY 13:
 I am a music girl-there's not much I don't like, and my taste changes all the time. Except three artists are always in my top five:

 Brad Paisley. I have loved Brad since I first heard "The fishing song" and I still love him today. I try to see him every time he comes in concert. He is just such a talented songwriter and guitar player. Plus I'll admit, I have a little bit of a crush on him. He is a man's man yet I just love that on almost every album he writes a song for his wife--what girl WOULDN'T love that!

My favorite band is a toss-up between Maroon 5 and Bowling For Soup. They are on opposite ends of the music spectrum-one is a brooding, sexy as hell band with local ties (I used to know James Valentine's sister)- the other is a Texas-bred hometown boy band who doesn't take themselves at all seriously.

Not to mention the fact they wrote the theme song as well as having recurring cameos on one of my favorite shows: Phineas and Ferb.

DAY 14:

I watch a lot of shows on TV, but recently there are two I watch religiously:

Glee. No self-respecting choir nerd and theatre geek can honestly say they don't like glee.
The music is great, and after some hiccup-filled story lines in the beginning of season 2 they've really hit their stride again. I just love this show, and it makes my day. :)

Being Human. Mr. Wonderful got me hooked on this show. I was skeptical about the US re-tooling after watching the BBC version and HATING it. But I was pleasantly surprised. You are rooting for these "monster" characters trying to be well...human. The season is over, but I'm there once it starts again!

DAY 15:

I never leave the house without my phone and keys. I feel naked without either...



day ten

If I'm allowed to choose where we eat nine times out of ten I ALWAYS choose Mac Cool's:

They are an Irish Public house and they have the BEST non-mother made corned beef and cabbage I have ever eaten. 
If you don't like corned beef and cabbage their Irish Reuben on sourdough is another favorite of mine.
Mr. Wonderful likes the pulled BBQ pork and coleslaw, and if you're in the mood the Guinness stew is another favorite.
Unfortunately the District location closed so you have to venture to Foothill...but it's well worth the trip!

liar liar pants on fire

*There are few things that can get me beyond fuming in nano seconds like being lied to. I'm not talking "white lie" type ("Oh I'm five minutes away" when you're really 10), but the lies that people tell to get what they want when they want how they want it. It makes me even more angry when I catch you in said lie and you DENY it.

I'm not an idiot. You've been caught. Own up that you were trying to manipulate me, get ahead in the game, and break the system you think you're above. Don't look at me and lie further by calling me the liar.

I may give you shit for it, but honesty really is the best policy. Is it REALLY worth you losing my trust to get around the system?

*if you're reading this chances are you are NOT the one this is not targeted towards. I just needed to vent and this was the closest outlet.

day nine

You know you are a boring adult when you get excited over the most boring things...on that note I give you my most recent non-food puchase...

I love chopping and slicing and dicing by hand. But it's hard to make sauces without one of these beauties. So last week I ventured to Target and picked one up. That night I made a lovely garlic spinach ricotta sauce for Mr. Wonerful and I. Here's to many more recipes!

excuses excuses

It's official. I have hit my wall. I am about as happy about that as most people are about getting a root canal.

I HATE going to the gym, but when I started going I went-albeit as hesitantly as possible-because I know it was a necessary evil. It also helped to know Mr. Wonderful was there and I would get an earful if I flaked.

I have now officially stopped caring, and it's NOT GOOD. I dread 4:00 because I know what it entails, and today Mr. Wonderful texted me to let me know we won't be crossing paths at the gym I start thinking of all the things I need to do before I head to St. George this weekend and that I've got a free pass NOT to go. Not to mention I'm still waiting for all these benefits promised to me to take effect. Little to no change at this pace enough to discourage even the most driven. Not to mention it is the #1 buzzkill/demotivator around.

I CAN NOT let myself fall into this mentality. I have done very well the last month and have gone at least three times a week. But I find myself rationalizing more and more lately to NOT go...Mr. Wonderful's text this afternoon didn't help much, either.

Ugh. I wish I was one of those people who LOVED going to the gym.

but alas, I am not. Peace out guys. I have an appointment with the gym...

day eight

This is the song I have running through my head today:

day seven

My dream wedding? If we're being 100% truly honest here (and I like to think we are), if money and my religion weren't issues I would have a Disneyland Dream Wedding complete with a Disney Princess Couture dress (seriously. Go look at these. It's awesome and HEAVEN for a Disneyland nut like me.)  in a heart beat.

Since an Eternal Marriage is FAR more important to me than an incredibly expensive civil one I'll opt to stay here. I've thought a lot about what I want when I get married and honestly as long as my wedding involves this:

And him kneeling across the altar from me:

I will be a happy girl.

(I'll just drag him to Disneyland for the Honeymoon.) :)

day six

I have always been a dog person. ALWAYS. I have always liked the larger breeds (shepherds, retrievers, labs), but since my parents bred miniature daschunds (we kept them as pets too) growing up I love the little dogs too.

We aren't even married or even "officially" in talks to get married yet and I already beg Mr. Wonderful (a die hard cat man) for a dog every chance I get. Doesn't matter what kind, I just want a dog so bad my teeth hurt. I'll even compromise and get a cat too!

day five-part deux

Apparently I have forgotten how to count and said yesterday was day five when in actuality it was day four. Oi. It's fixed now and sorry for the confusion.

This is me two years ago at Pike Place Market in Seattle. I'm lucky enough to have a friend who lives up there. Man that was a fun trip. I need to go back soon!

day four

I am lucky enough to have TWO best friends, both I have known since High School-albeit one became my best friend recently. Please excuse the poor quality--pictures of pictures don't always turn out great.



circa 1999-2000-ish?

 This is Amber. I don't have many pictures of the two of us-she's usually on the opposite side of the camera. This is a picture from when we were BABIES and I smile every time I look at it. I have known Amber since our Sophomore year in High School. We have been through thick and thin together, and she has taught me what a true friend is. Here's just a FEW of the reasons I love her so:

• She is an amazing mother
• Forgiving to a fault
• She always sees the good in people
• Even when she's knee-deep in shit she can always find something to be grateful for.
• She has my back 100% no matter what.
• She is my biggest fan.
• Kind
• Loving
• Generous
• Patient
• Strong
• Tons of fun to be around

Seriously, I could go on and on and on about her. She is that fantastic.

This is my Mr. Wonderful. This is one of my favorite pictures of him because this is one of the few pictures he has a genuine smile in-isn't he handsome?

We met in High School-we had Seminary-and mutual crushes-but never managed to go on a date. Fast forward eight years to the HP7 release party, and the rest is history. Scott is my VERY best friend and I love him with all of my heart. He is living proof lighting can strike twice-especially for someone as undeserving as me. Here's just a few reasons why he is so great:

• He shows me every day just how much I mean to him.
• I can be myself around him
• He loves me unconditionally
• He's kind
• Patient
• Loving
• He's smart
• Caring
• Considerate of others
• He puts up with me and my craziness on a daily basis
• He is so supportive of me and the things I love-even when he doesn't.
• He won't let me quit.
• He is a wonderful teacher and an even better student.
• He is humble.
• He is extremely faithful and the Spiritual Giant I wish I could be.

He is wonderful, and I'm just so lucky to have him!

day three

My idea of a perfect first date. wow. I hate first dates more than pretty much anything. You're nervous and worried about making a good first impression. Nerves and trying to impress are NEVER a good combination. First dates are one step up from a job interview...hell. Let's be honest. First dates ARE a job interview.

I don't think I have EVER had a good first date-including my first date with Mr. Wonderful, so I'm just going to say my ideal first date would include the following:

1. You are able to feel comfortable
2. Conversation flows easily. (For someone who struggles with making small talk this is a biggie)
3. You can be yourself-because let's face it-cat's gonna come out of the bag eventually, so you might as well do it from the get-go, right?
4. A man who isn't afraid to be a gentleman. Chivalry is NOT dead guys.
5. You have enough in common to get along, but are different enough to still be interesting.
6. Anything that DOESN'T involve anything you can't talk during-movie, play, etc. How are you supposed to get to know each other when you're prohibited from talking?
7. I'm not gonna lie. I'm a sucker for bowling, mini-golf, and rollerskating. It's impossible to not be yourself when you're doing any of these things...BUT I had a date take me go-karting once. Although it was fun helmet hair is NOT good for a first date.
8. A non-awkward goodnight hug and a call or text in the next couple of days if he wants to go out again. Waiting is no bueno-but I've also had guys who WOULDN'T stop calling and texting. That's even WORSE guys.
9. And most importantly--if you're not interested in going out again SAY SO. It's tough, but nothing is worse than waiting for a call you were told is coming that doesn't. And if you're told "thanks but no thanks" STOP CALLING THEM. (yes that happened to me too-I had to be a jerk to this one.)

Hopefully I won't ever have to have another first date again. I'm uneasy just looking at this list.

day two

Today I did alright with my eating habits. It was actually balanced! I forgot to take a picture of my BEAUTIFUL Caprese wrap at lunch so here's dinner. Chicken tacos. Fast, cheap, and easy:

The avocado was the most expensive ingredient-a whopping $2.39...ouch. But it sure was tasty!

day one

Man, I knew this wasn't the greatest idea. Only one day in and I'm already behind...oi. good thing I can change the dates! (he he he he)


Halloween circa 2010...yes there was a Mario.

Today...how do I talk about today? Today started out fine but I was in a WICKED bad mood. (Don't ask, I have no idea why-although I'm fairly sure it has something to do with the fact I am now 0-3--three down, 15 to go). Work was fine, albeit a little slow, then it was off to the gym.

Have I mentioned how much I HATE going to the gym? I do. Every day I think of excuses en route NOT to go I hate it that much. Good thing I have Mr. Wonderful to keep me honest because I have NEVER been one of those people who thinks pushing oneself to the limit and hurting like a mofo the next day is a grand time (sorry Riss). I'm like a little kid who won't eat vegetables. I need exercise hidden in something fun that doesn't feel like exercise, like mothers hiding cauliflower in the mac and cheese. Aside from my LOATHING of the gym I'm tired of feeling (and looking) like a blob, so I only do it out of necessity. I DO, however look forward to keeping my pace at 5.0 or higher for the entire 45 minutes. Because then I get Girl Scout cookies when I get home. And yes I am guilty of watching food shows on my personal tv and fantasizing I'm there while on the elliptical. It makes something I already hate a little more bearable.

After the gym it was off to Mr. Wonderful's for dinner and the season finale of "Being Human". Based off of a British show of the same name, it's my new favorite Mr. Wonderful show selection--since "Walking Dead" is over until this Halloween. I highly recommend it-but it is a cable show---not Premium cable mind you-but since it involves werewolves and vampires (REAL werewolves and vampires, not the brooding sparkly all over lame kind.) there's more blood than you can get away with on network television.

Mr. Wonderful then humored me with streaming "When in Rome" on Netflix. I'm a chick flick lova, but this one was lame. I would have been ticked if I had paid money to see it. Avoid it if  you can. After that it was home and bed.

And here's to the most boring day in existence.

One down, 29 to go.





dumb idea?

I'm totally ripping this off from a friend's blog. I've looked at the 30 day perspective and the 12 of 12 blogs some other friends or blogs I stalk have been doing and this one is a nice mix of the two I think...

Am I dumb if I do this? Will my limited following cease to exist? Or is it a good idea because you're all dying to know more about me? Let me know what you think...I'll start on Monday depending on what say ye...

30 day blogging challenge

Day one~ A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.

Day two~ A photo of something you ate today.

Day three~ Your idea of the perfect first date.

Day four~ Your favorite photograph of your best friend.

Day five~ A photo of yourself two years ago.

Day six~ A photo of an animal you would like to keep as a pet.

Day seven~ Your dream wedding.

Day eight~ A song to match your mood.

Day nine~ A photo of the last item you purchased.

Day ten~ A photo of your favorite place to eat.

Day eleven~ What's in your makeup bag?

Day twelve~ A photograph of the town you live in.

Day thirteen~ Your favorite musician and why?

Day fourteen~ A TV show that you are currently addicted to.

Day fifteen~ Something you don't leave the house without.

Day sixteen~ Your celebrity crush.

Day seventeen~ A photo of you and your family.

Day eighteen~ Something you crave a lot.

Day ninteen~ Another picture of yourself.

Day twenty~ The meaning behind your blog name.

Day twenty-one~ A photo of something that makes you happy.

Day twenty-two~ A letter to someone who has hurt you lately.

Day twenty-three~ 15 facts about you.

Day twenty-four~ A photo of something that means a lot to you.

Day twenty-five~ What's in your purse?

Day twenty-six~ A photo of somewhere you've been.

Day twenty-seven~ A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?

Day twenty-eight~ Your favorite movie.

Day twenty-nine~ Something you could never get tired of doing.

Day thirty~ A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past.

crazy?

I have come to the conclusion I am in fact, insane. But why, you may ask?

Because I am the very epitome of this quote. After each failure (read=rejection) I still return, hopefully repeating the process- same as before. All the while being annoyingly optimistic in my hoping that THIS time will be different, THIS time I will be able to portray to others the fire that is in me, THIS time I won't have to remind myself I have to taste the bitter before I can know the sweet. THIS time I won't have to run into Mr. Wonderful's arms for comfort, but rather in celebration.

Insane because instead of saying "enough is enough" and stopping this ridiculous behavior I continue to try-hoping each time it will be different-when it's usually the same result. Yet I continue thinking that sometime something will have to give and I will no longer be the "rule", but rather the "exception".

Insane? I should think so, yet I still look forward to every new opportunity like a fool. Here's hoping tonight goes better than the last week...

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me

Last week I was cross-training in another department (another post for another day--once I'm over the trauma.), and another person was at my desk learning my job.

When I use an area that isn't mine, I do my best to implement the "Leave nothing but footprints" rule. So imagine my surprise when I came in Saturday morning to find my world askew-the person who had been at my desk had left everything on their preferences rather than changing them Friday before they left.

Can I just say nothing messes with me more than the feng-shui being off in my work area--especially when I don't know how to fix it? Well the good news is I finally figured it all out--3/4 of the way through my shift. FAIL. Although I love this person I still wanted to smack them while I was trying to figure out how in the hell to get my settings back to how they were...
*sigh* oh well. All's well that ends well I guess.

someone tell me when is it my turn, don't i get a dream for myself?

This week I had an experience that got me thinking and has been eating at me since. Please forgive me in advance-I should also warn you that I am doing my best to keep this as vague as possible--my experience involves an acquaintance who is in a lot of the same circles as I am. I am in no way trying to pass judgement and unintentionally offend this person OR our mutual friends...but I am a little bugged by it so it's going to be tough. If you're one of those offended, my sincere apologies for both that AND the novel-sized post today. Consider yourself warned on both accounts. 

*     *     *     *

If I have learned ANYTHING in my short thirty years it's this: Life is NOT fair, and no matter what YOU may think you haven't "earned" anything. Most of the time we mistake "earning" something for feeling entitled to it because we've "paid our dues".  Although knowing is half the battle, it doesn't make swallowing this pill any easier.

West Jordan held auditions for "Annie Get Your Gun" this week. I love West Jordan, I've worked with the director before and simply adore her, "Annie Get Your Gun" is one of my most favorite shows and ever since I sang "Anything You Can Do" in a Stake musical review Annie Oakley has been on my (long) list of dream roles. It's been six months since I've actually been on stage, and although I've filled that time working behind the scenes I'm aching to do another show. Once I heard about auditions I immediately set my heart on playing Annie.

Tuesday evening rolled around and I laid on my bed, unable to muster the drive (and desire) to go. I had gone from being ecstatic for this audition to downright dreading it. I was (and am) just so tired of putting myself out there only to keep falling short of my goals. That mind set was enough to keep me in my bed the rest of the evening. Mr. Wonderful had to do everything short of physical violence to get me to go--please don't misunderstand there. He has never and will never force me to do anything I don't want to do, but he knew if I didn't go I would 'shoulda woulda coulda' for the next six months-especially because of how excited I had been. I decided trying and knowing was better than not, so I rolled out of bed and headed over.

When I got there they were running late. After I filled out the paperwork I had the opportunity to just sit and talk to a variety friends, old and new. (That's the nice and HORRIBLE thing about community theatre is it's a small small world.) as we were talking being the theatre nerds we are the subject turned to roles we've played, 'should' have gotten, wished we had gotten, shows we had so much fun on we would do them again in a heartbeat, etc. During the course of this conversation an acquaintance of mine made a comment about a theatre I've worked with with no problems. Upon hearing it I had to LITERALLY keep myself from dropping my jaw at:

"I've done eleven shows for them. ELEVEN. It's about time they stop casting me in ensemble and supporting roles and start casting me as leads."

Even reading it now I'm enraged at the arrogance and entitlement this person had. But then I have to stop myself because I know I'm guilty of doing the same thing. Maybe not in the same way, but it's still there.

How many times have I resented co-workers when their efforts have been recognized over my own?

How many times have I felt that I've paid my dues and it's my turn to have the limelight, promotion, raise, praise, whatever only to have someone else tell me that's not the case?

After all this how many times have I actually ADMITTED that I wasn't good enough to beat out someone who was BETTER?  Not nearly as many as I've placed the blame on others, that's for sure.

Although I can more than relate to this person's frustration I have to wonder if the real reason we don't get what we want is because (with few exception) we aren't WORKING as hard as we THINK we are, but rather we feel it is merely OWED to us because we tried and keep trying?

Call backs are tomorrow. I'm up against some serious talent, so right now I'm feeling I don't have a snowball's chance in hell. Hopefully I'll do enough to wow the Director and earn my first leading role...stay tuned.

shoes! shoes! shoes! the secret of my shoes

If Avril Lavigne went to OZ she'd wear these...

I love shoes. I have way too many pairs of shoes for my own good. Expensive,  bargain, old, new, traditional, eclectic, strappy, flat, heels, tennies, sandals, flip flops...well you get the idea.

Mr. Wonderful doesn't 'get' the love I have for shoes. He thinks you only need four pairs of shoes: black, brown, dress, and athletic. He breaks his own rule because he has five-the previous plus a pair of work boots. I on the other hand have so many I have literally lost count. I have no room in my closet for them all so I have to store them under my bed and rotate for the seasons. (I was gonna take a picture so you'd believe me but the thought of pulling them all out and putting them all away again plum wore me out so you get what I already had on my phone.)

We were talking this week (post shoe purchase) and he just doesn't get it. The best way I could explain it to him was like this-when your weight fluxuates or if you are like me and are more...curvaceous than the average woman it can be down right discouraging to shop for, try on, and wear clothes. It's even MORE discouraging when the same clothes look so much cuter on women with smaller, less curvy frames. Shoes on the other hand are a completely different story. Shoes fit no matter what size you are. Shoes don't make you feel like a freak show and stop fitting right because you've got water weight or extra holiday pounds. Shoes don't shrink in the wash. You can buy the same pair of shoes as that skinny bitch in the magazine and still make them look as good as she did, if not better.



Upon finishing my explanation I was hoping the light would turn on, and his look would tell me he FINALLY understood what a pick me up shoes are. Instead he just looked at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears. 

Oh well. The ladies understand me. That being said...



the newest addition to my family. aren't they ADORABLE!?



what a diva

Most of you know I'm a theatre geek.

Summer show season is fast approaching, and a long time ago I made a decision. Although I fully stand behind it and know it's the best decision for me I still feel like a complete and total diva for having made it.

   I have decided I am not willing to commit my time to a show if all I will be doing is ensemble. The ensemble is important, and as cliche' as it is I agree "there are no small parts only small actors", but unless it's a show I simply adore, a director I HAVE to work with, or my first time with a new theatre the ensemble just isn't for me. I've been the ensemble in shows before, and honestly, with all the time commitment involved (usually 2-4 months) I have a hard time making the commitment for anything smaller than a supporting role-mostly because it's so much easier for me to rationalize flaking off when I'm in the ensemble and I HATE flakes. So in order to avoid being a hypocrite I hold out for the larger roles I am willing to make the time commitment to.

Although I feel I'm completely justified in checking "no" or writing in "MAYBE-depends on role-NO ensemble" next to the "will you accept another role?" box on the audition form I always feel like such a diva. I've even had people tell me they don't even CONSIDER actors who aren't willing to take anything the director is willing to cast them as. I've heard that some even go so far as black listing actors who turn down roles they aren't interested in. Whaaat?! You ask but then punish honesty? Don't you want your cast to WANT to be there? And if not, why do you even put that question on the form? That has always baffled me. How can being honest about what you're willing to commit to instantly brand you a diva who is going to be hard to work with? I am fabulous to work with, thank you very much!

Although some of my favorite roles have been smaller cameo appearances I would like to eventually be given the opportunity to play a leading role. I KNOW I can do it, I just need a director to see in me what I already know is there and THAT'S frustrating as hell-especially because I'm the world's WORST auditioner.

Which leads me to my other rule: I don't audition for shows I know I won't be cast in. Murray is doing the "Scarlett Pimpernel" this year. I have worked with Murray before and a lot of the people in Murray are so great to work with--one of them being my most favoritest accompanist Steve. We were talking a couple weeks ago and he told me I should audition. The problem with this is there is only one non-ensemble female part--it isn't the right fit for me--that and the fact I'm not this director's favorite--I'm well-liked but I'm not a favorite--I know whenever I audition for them I will never be considered for anything but bit roles. My friend made the suggestion to just come for the experience-although we know I wouldn't be truly considered for anything-and he would help me workshop my audition. My immediate thought was "why would I waste my time"? Because I am well-liked I would most likely be called back (pity or obligatory call backs piss me off more than the stupid audition form box), but then it's a weeknight AND a Saturday morning I would be spending for naught. Ok ok, it 's not for nothing--although I am comfortable in my talents and abilities I am the world's WORST auditioner. It would be nice to know what I can be doing to make a better first impression on these directors so I'm actually considered for the roles I want, not just pigeonholed into the slutty comic-relief roles.

I'm also hesitant to go anywhere else because over the last six months I have been given some wonderful opportunities with the Empress Theatre in Magna. I would like to see if there are more opportunities there for me in the near future and I can't do that if I'm committed to another show for someone else.  

I just find it funny that everywhere but Utah you are a diva if you say the things I've just said, whereas any where else directors and production crews appreciate you being honest in telling them exactly what you're willing to commit to.

wordless wednesday

wishing I was here...

if at first you don't succeed

Since I work where I work (local food distributor) I watch a lot of the Food Network. A LOT. This isn't a bad thing though. My cooking skills have grown exponentially which makes me (and mr. wonderful) quite happy.

Two weeks ago I watched an episode of Barefoot Contessa and she made macaroons. I am an AWESOME cook. I'm a so-so baker, but I want to be better. These looked SO easy, I LOVE a well-made macaroon, and I was channeling my inner baking diva so I thought I'd give it a go.

I purchased the ingredients (Sweetened condensed milk and sweetened coconut-not kidding) and waited for the weekend. Sunday afternoon rolled around and I got started. I followed the directions to the letter, but I noticed the SC milk was separating and pooling on the pan. I started to panic a little. I put two dozen cookies into the oven and this is what I got:



Yes that's water loosening the caramelized SC Milk on my pan...



The second tray was a complete loss...



I ate two--they were aight.

I decided I needed to not let this discourage me so I tried again this weekend in between sickness and tech rehearsal. This time they were a MONSTER success...so much so I even dipped them in chocolate: 



Definitely what they should have looked like the first time.



Chocolate covered goodness--SUCCESS!!

Yes this recipe is definitely a keeper. I rule.

but you're sick

Nothing irritates me more than people who are sick and REFUSE to stay home. I'm not talking your functioning cold here-we're all guilty of going out with that. I'm talking the sick where you look, sound, emanate your awfulness it makes people uncomfortable simply by being in your presence.

Yeah, one of my co-workers was that way this week and they MAY (or may not-I HOPE!) have infected me. Best part is they didn't have a cold--oh no. It's the FLU. The effing FLU!! Who the HELL comes to work with the FLU!? Especially being in FOOD SERVICE!? OI.

Anyway I'm in that "maybe she is, maybe she isn't stage". You know what I'm talking about. The sore throat, itchy nose, tired and a LITTLE achy, but not so bad you can justify calling off work and spend the day in bed. It's almost as bad as the full blown-"yeah you're sick" stage. This is SO not an ideal time.

Naturally it happens the week I'm supposed to start tech rehearsals for La Mancha. OI. Sick or not I HATE backing out of commitments-especially now because I don't know if I'm really sick or just fighting it off. All day I have had the inner debate-but if I'm NOT sick I need to be there. But if I AM sick I need to not expose the entire cast and crew the week before we open. Luckily I have an AWESOME technical director and friend who is super understanding and all but banned me from the theatre until Saturday's tech rehearsal once I told him my dilemma.

Here's hoping a couple nights of R&R will be enough to stave off the consideration (or lack thereof) of my co-workers...can I just hurt them?

childhood trauma

This morning I saw a commercial for the Blu Ray release of "Bambi". The tag line for this promotion is

"Share the movie every childhood deserves."

Umm...all I remember is being TRAUMATIZED by this movie. Although some of the cutest scenes ever are in this movie-Bambi learning to speak, calling Flower a flower, Thumper, and the like, but

Bambi's mom dies.

BAMBI'S MOM DIES

BAMBI'S MOM DIES-not just dies-she's

KILLED.

BY A HUNTER.

AAAND...YOU DON'T EVEN SEE HIS FACE!!!

Way to go Walt for singlehandedly introducing me to death, devastation, and trauma in one fail swoop. All at the tender age of six.

Yes, kids DEFINITELY need this movie in their childhoods...

the last word

I had an experience this week that got me thinking. Why do we ALWAYS have to have the last word? I also find the more passionate the situation/people, the harder they try to score that last, doozy, hit you right to the core comment.
WHY?

I must admit although I'm not ashamed of my passion, I am ashamed that it ruffles my feathers as much as it does when I DON'T get the last word in--especially in an argument, and ESPECIALLY in this particular situation because it was completely pointless and stupid that I even let this person (who isn't worth my time) get to me like they did.

Spare me the "it's not very Christ-like Kristen", or "do you have any idea how childish that really is?", or "what would your MOTHER say?!" Yes, I KNOW it's not at all Christ-like, I KNOOOOW that it's ridiculously childish, and I know my mom would give me that disappointed look that breaks my heart. (BTW-do they pull you aside in the hospital and teach you that look? Every mother I know has one.)

I KNOW all these things just like I KNOW cakebites and Coke (the drink, not the drug) aren't good for me, yet I willingly seek them out because they make me feel good.
Good thing I have Mr. Wonderful here to remind me the last word isn't as important as I've led myself to believe.

But it sure feels great to get that last, awesome comment in and just watch them stammer as you walk away in triumph.


Does that make me a bad person?

confession-friday edition

*I totally knocked this off of someone who knocked it off of someone else.
And you know what? I'm totally ok with that because that's just how I roll.
*I have been very agitated over the last week for the most ridiculous reasons:
-People need to lay the hell off Christina Aguilera. She's not the first to butcher the National Anthem-both lyrically and musically. I promise she won't be the last.
-I love my friends. A lot. But sometimes they take themselves WAY too seriously and I just want to SMACK them. HARD.
-My brain to mouth filter has been on the fritz this week causing a lot of...interesting situations.
-My inability to type--right now, as you read this. Dyslexia is real, folks.
*Hoity-toity people suck. I want to hit them too.
*I just realized I have a lot of people I want to hit. Maybe I should join a rage-aholic group or something.
*People are downright greedy where anything free is involved--especially food. And unless you are from a third world country and don't know when you'll get the opportunity again that's just WRONG.
*I miss my best friend. I wish some people in her life weren't such jerks; it's almost impossible to be around without there being tension.
*Although I shouldn't I can eat Sweet Tooth Fairy treats all day every day.
*I miss moonlighting as a waitress. Not because I loved the people but because I miss the ca$h. A lot. It makes planning my upcoming trip to Disneyland that much easier.
*Although I'm planning on auditioning for Pimpernel, Music Man, and various other shows this year I'm wondering why I even bother because all I'm ever looked at for is supporting or ensemble roles and it BLOWS.
*Friday couldn't have come sooner. If I have to put up with one more smart ass, self entitled jerk I might shoot something.
* I always get a rush of excitement when I see comments on my blog. It's lame but I totally validate myself with them.

wordless wednesday