happiness is

Happiness for me is FINALLY being excited about a show after merely going through the motions with no passion for so long. I didn't get the part I had originally hoped for, but for the first time in a LONG time I'm excited to get this party started. At last night's read through my mind was racing on how I could make this part mine and make it shine (sorry Riss, I'm gonna do my damnedest to out shine you--but in a good way. ;) I'm a barfly/statue/Angel Devilette in Midvale's All Shook Up. A small part, but I am SO looking forward to it. I get to not only do another show with her, but my new friend as well. I honestly couldn't be happier--or more excited (well until a leading role comes my way anyway).

Thank you-you know who you are-for being patient and understanding, and telling me it's ok to test the waters and if getting out of the water was what was best for me it was ok. You are a bomb-ass friend and I love you for it.

So, I best be seeing you all at the show in July bitches--especially you B-there's lots of Elvis to be had in this one...

is your filter really THAT broken?

Man, all it seems I do on here lately is bitch...I'm sorry.

I have another reason I don’t like weddings-hopefully I am not the only one and you singletons can relate. Being forced through the duration of the wedding/reception to endure the “status of your relationship/when are YOU getting married” comments if you’re with someone, and the “you’re next!/you should get on it” comments if you’re single.

I get that it comes from a place of love. I get that you’re trying to be supportive. I get that because we are friends or family you feel you have a right to say these things and it immediately exempts you from being tactless or stops you from being a jerk. What YOU don’t get is it’s NOT loving. It’s NOT supportive, IT IS tactless and it DOES make you a jerk. By keeping these comments to yourself you are being light years more supportive than the people who let it fly and subsequently make me feel like shit.

I am all for girl power. Girls can do most anything that a man can do. Except propose. So don’t suggest it. I have never and WILL NEVER entertain the idea of getting down on one knee. Proposing is the one thing that should ALWAYS be left to a man. I have yet to meet a man that wants his woman to propose, and I WILL NOT take his thunder. I want to know he wants me because he asked me, not because I flipped the tables and put him on the spot in an awkward situation. More power to the girls who do it, but it’s not for me. I also find it HILARIOUS that the people who tell me to do this are the women who are waiting for their own man to propose or had their husbands propose to them after they waited for them to do it. If you yourself didn't get down on one knee (or aren't planning to) and ask for your man's hand in marriage telling me to will promptly make my eyes glaze over and start to drool profusely. Plus it makes you a hypocrite. So don't.

It’s one thing if I was making comments to anyone who will listen, but I’m not. With the exception of my blog (which is mine and my thoughts and feelings so I'm just entitled to put them here as you are to NOT read them) I don’t say anything to anyone. Why they feel the need to constantly remind me of what I don’t have, I don't know. I’m well aware, thanks. Although I know I could be happier, I’m not unhappy. I’m content. Why isn’t this good enough for these people? MY OWN PARENTS aren’t riding me to get married, so why is everyone else?

I’m not the only one who is privy to these tactless, insensitive comments. My friend is 7.5 months pregnant, not any bigger than any other pregnant woman who is 7.5 months along, yet people think it’s ok to tell her she’s having twins, looks huge for how far along she is, ready to pop any day now, or may be giving birth to a horse. A HORSE! When did tact become optional?

I'm tired of not saying anything because I don't want to be percieved as the bitter girl unable to get herself married off-which is NOT the case. Unless I bring it up, IT’S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUISNESS!! I’m to the point I’m just going to start making snarky comments about the things THEY don’t want brought up about them in retort. Maybe by turning the tables they’ll get that it doesn’t matter how well-meaning their comments are. They hurt, it’s none of their business, and I’m tired of being forced to endure them with a graceful “joke’s on me” smile on my face.

I just want to live my life and not have to endure any more unwanted or unsolicited marriage comments. From anyone. Exept Mr. Wonderful. Those are welcome. But only from him. Everyone else needs to shusha their mouths.

a rock and a hard place

*DISCLAIMER* This blog is the closest thing to a journal that I have. Because of this sometimes it's a dumping place for things I need to work out, stuff I need to feel sorry for myself over, and the occasional rant. Today is one of those days and this post contains all three. Because it's my blog and I do what I want, I am not censoring myself. Consider yourself warned if you read on.

I'm stuck. I hate being stuck-especially over something so trivial. I know I'm making this decision harder than it should be, but I've been in a similar situation before. I made the wrong choice and I was MISERABLE. I don't want to do it again, and if that means I have to over think things, so be it.

I wasn't offered a principle part in the latest show I auditioned for-whatev-I didn't have my heart set on anything and I'm used to not being what directors are looking for. I was, however invited to be part of the cast. There are still six women's roles available they are casting after the first rehearsal (think Ronettes from Little Shop, Silly Girls from Beauty and the Beast, and Hot Box Dancers from Guys and Dolls). Not originally something I had thought of doing, but it's something I tend to be cast as a lot, something that I know I ROCK at (because come on, that's ALL I'm cast as), and something that could be fun none the less. Bad news: I have to commit to the show before I know exactly what I will be doing. I don't want to commit, get passed over (again), and spend my summer being miserable, nameless, faceless scenery. But I have to commit. Soon. And by soon I mean TODAY. A blind leap if I ever heard one. Mr. Wonderful doesn't want me to-mostly because he doesn't want me to be as miserable as I was the last time. I just don't know. I don't have the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach like I did before, but I don't like not knowing exactly what I'm committing to and potentially getting something I will NOT be happy with. I'm just tired of feeling like all I ever do is settle.

Maybe the Universe is trying to tell me I need to be done for a while. Every part I have lost recently I have lost to a beautiful, petite ingenue, and let's face it-as much as I want to be those things, I'm just not. I'm just not ever what these people are looking for and I'm tired of letting stupid things continue to break my heart and make me doubt my talent and worth. I just don't know.

the rapture. it's real

The CDC has finally issued a statement on the impending Zombie Apocalypse. I think it's because the Rapture is supposed to happen tomorrow.

I'm  not kidding about the CDC. See?



*For the record I don't believe any of the Rapture hogwash. It's this decades Y2K, and we all know how THAT one went...
The zombie Apocalypse on the other hand is a different story..

one day more

Mr. Wonderful's sister is getting married tomorrow. Although I am GENUINELY happy for her weddings and friends having babies still make me a little sad. Almost to the point I dread seeing 'those' envelopes in the mail. Because I know I will have to smile and pretend everything is ok whilst my heart is breaking--and it sucks. Mostly because I feel guilty for being upset when it's supposed to be a happy time. And I am GENUINELY happy for these people, I promise. It just hurts.
 
I'm trying hard to stay positive and remind myself every day brings me one day closer to my turn...I just wish it would hurry the hell up-I'm tired of trying to not let this stuff get me down-and failing miserably.

Maybe I should focus all my pent up emotion on my call back tomorrow--or the impending Rapture?

I promise my next post won't be so lame. I just had to get this off my chest.

show friends

This was the fortune my cookie from Panda had yesterday:

Although it's hilarious (and eerily true) this is not the reason for this post, but rather an odd segue. Because I do theatre I'm lucky enough to know a lot of great people. And I mean A LOT. Sadly enough most of them I only actually see and do things with when we are in a show or at an audition together. This pains me.

Saturday I was at yet another audition and I was in the same group as one of my newest favorite people (I'm lookin' at you Dizzy). Afterwards we spent the better part of an hour chatting in the parking lot. I find it hilarious-and a little bit sad-that I know all these great people that I only see when there is theatre involved. I know we're all busy, but I'm callin you out-you all know who you are. We need to get together more because frankly you are just too awesome to limit my exposure to said awesomeness only when I'm lucky enough to share the stage (or audition room) with you.

 

I'm hoping this is the beginning to a beautiful friendship...

wordle thursday

As I was blogstalking friends of friends I came across this little beauty. My mom has one with the Vander Linden family names. It's pretty cool so I decided to do one with words from my blog-here's the link:

http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/3610942/misskristen


The web site isn't very user sharing friendly, but it's still fun.
http://www.wordle.net/create

day thirty!

Woot! I made it! I agree with my friend Most Lucky Girl-I feel good knowing I did it, will miss blogging every day, but won't miss the pressure to blog every day, or the bizarre questions one bit.

I'm 24 hours away from a cut and color-and look like HUD-so you don't get a picture of me from today. Instead you get a half picture of me (but it's one of my favorites regardless) from about three months ago:

May the force be with you.

Three things I'm glad have happened to me:

1. Mr. Wonderful
2. The Gospel and the blessings it gives me.
3. Over all I've been blessed with a happy, full life. Good friends, good work, AWESOME family...   I've got it all.

day twenty-nine

Something I never get tired of:

Bonus points to whoever knows who she is...

I've been singing as long as I can remember.

day twenty-eight

My favorite movie? That's a loaded question. I worked at a movie theater from the summer I graduated High School until 2001, and then at Hollywood Video until 2006. So I've seen a lot of movies. Some good, some bad, some excellent. Whenever anyone asks me what my favorite movie is one of these titles pop into my head:

Mr. Holland's Opus. This movie has been my favorite for as long as I can remember. I was a band student and I'm lucky enough to have had my own Mr. Holland-this is probably why I love this movie so much.
BUT-if you haven't seen it. GO. WATCH IT. It is probably one of the most moving stories I've ever seen. Makes you wonder how many lives you've impacted just by being YOU.

Moulin Rouge. I wasn't too interested in it the first time I saw a trailer, but then I went to see it. Oh. My. Word.
The music, the colors, the story, the passion. Wow. I. love. this. movie. If you enjoy musical theater, a good love story, Baz Luhrmann (good rule of thumb-if you didn't like Romeo+Juliet or Strictly Ballroom you won't like this one), retoolings of favorite pop culture songs, and an evil maharajah this movie is for you. Plus you can't go wrong with Nicole Kidman and the Singing Jedi.

day twenty-seven

Here is a picture from a year ago:



Most current headshot


How I've changed in the last year:

My hair was about four inches shorter--seriously contemplating cutting it that way again.
I've gained about 10lbs since then-BLAST!
I was at a job I 110% HATED-but now I'm not there. Yippee!!

day twenty-six

I'm a simple girl. I don't need to travel to exotic locales to be happy. Aside from Disneyland Seattle is one of my most favorite places.
Lucky me I have a very good friend who lives there-I only wish I had the money to go up and visit more. Because it's that rad.

day twenty-five

What's in my purse? Well I'll tell you. But first I have to show you my purse. Because it's AWESOME.
Mr. Wonderful gave it to me for my thirtieth birthday:

The contents of my purse are as follows:

• My Alice in Wonderland wallet
• keys
• phone
• lotion
• hand sanitizer
• lip gloss
• ibuprofen
• pen
• iPod
• sunglasses (and case)

day twenty four

A picture of something that means a lot to me:

I know it said one. But I put two because it's my blog and I do what I want.

(semi) wordless wednesday

day twenty-three

The only thing this picture and this blog post have in common is
that they're both random.

Fifteen random facts about me? Huh. You know it’s funny; you can name quirky things about yourself UNTIL someone asks you to share them. Most of these are known, some are not, there’s quite a few Disneyland related ones, but here we go:

1. I didn’t ride on an airplane for the first time until March of 2002-I was 21, it was to Seattle to attend Fiancée #1’s father’s wedding, and since it was six months after 9/11 I was more than a little bit nervous about it.
2. I am such a Disneyland junkie I purchased an Annual Pass in 2009. I only went twice that year-but the perks and discounts it afforded me made it well worth it.
3. I know how to get around Disneyland better than I do our own local amusement park: Lagoon. People ask me for navigation tips before they go.
4. I have movies in my collection that have never been watched, let alone opened. (Like plastic wrapper opened-some still even have the tag on them...)
5. I have never had a tan in my life thanks to my 50% fair Dutch skin. I have two levels: burn and peel.
6. Thanks to my father I have a soft spot for classic, American muscle cars.
7. My mother is the reason I like the Beach Boys.
8. I wish I had more time (and space) to scrap book.
9. I have had one cavity in my 30 years.
10. Cooking for the people I love makes me happy.
11. When I was eight I won an essay contest and got to ride on the Channel 4 float for the 24^th of July parade. I ended up with heatstroke.
12. I always have some sort of music playing device with me, whether it’s my iPod or Pandora on my phone.
13. People watching in
    New Orleans Square
    with a mint julep and some beignets is one of my favorite things to do.
14. I always get a little misty when I walk under the bridge for the Disneyland Railroad and onto
    Main Street
    after a long time away.
15. Although I have lots of gadgets I have no idea how to use half of them. I have to rely on Mr. Wonderful and Superman Lover for help more often than not.

day twenty-two

Write a letter to someone who’s hurt me? I’m not going to lie; I’ve been giving this day a lot of thought since I saw this little doo-dad. Since I’m not the kind to air grievances in a public forum I decided from day one that this letter would be to the person who hurts me the most: myself.

Dear Kristen:

You are a strong, loving, beautiful, talented, amazing woman, yet you are constantly selling yourself short. Whenever things don’t go the way you had hoped, worked towards, or  planned, you immediately blame yourself. Why do you do this? Why is it so impossible for you to think that no one but you could be at fault?

It hurts me so much to see you sell yourself short and accept the mediocre instead of the EXTRODINARY- although I do need to commend you on Mr. Wonderful-he is the best decision you’ve made in a long time.

I wish you would believe the nice things people tell you-because they wouldn’t say them if they weren’t true.

I wish you would let yourself believe in your happy ending. I know you’ve been hurt, but by expecting the worst all the time you are missing out on so much.

For hell's sake will you quit being so stubborn all the time and just let people HELP YOU? You don't need to always do it on your own, and asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Please let Mr. Wonderful help you. He loves you and hates to watch you struggle because you are too proud to ask. 

There is so much more I want to tell you, but in the effort to save time I won't. All I will say is you are stronger than you think you are, and you need to give yourself more credit. You have overcome so much and it has made you who you are now. You make your family and the people who love you proud. It’s ok to be proud of yourself too. You’re worth it.

Love,

Kristen

day twenty-one

There are a lot of things that make me happy, but right now she's it:

Allie is so smart, loving, and beautiful. All at the ripe old age of 21 months. I am so proud to be her aunt!