*DISCLAIMER* This blog is the closest thing to a journal that I have. Because of this sometimes it's a dumping place for things I need to work out, stuff I need to feel sorry for myself over, and the occasional rant. Today is one of those days and this post contains all three. Because it's my blog and I do what I want, I am not censoring myself. Consider yourself warned if you read on.
I wasn't offered a principle part in the latest show I auditioned for-whatev-I didn't have my heart set on anything and I'm used to not being what directors are looking for. I was, however invited to be part of the cast. There are still six women's roles available they are casting after the first rehearsal (think Ronettes from Little Shop, Silly Girls from Beauty and the Beast, and Hot Box Dancers from Guys and Dolls). Not originally something I had thought of doing, but it's something I tend to be cast as a lot, something that I know I ROCK at (because come on, that's ALL I'm cast as), and something that could be fun none the less. Bad news: I have to commit to the show before I know exactly what I will be doing. I don't want to commit, get passed over (again), and spend my summer being miserable, nameless, faceless scenery. But I have to commit. Soon. And by soon I mean TODAY. A blind leap if I ever heard one. Mr. Wonderful doesn't want me to-mostly because he doesn't want me to be as miserable as I was the last time. I just don't know. I don't have the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach like I did before, but I don't like not knowing exactly what I'm committing to and potentially getting something I will NOT be happy with. I'm just tired of feeling like all I ever do is settle.
Maybe the Universe is trying to tell me I need to be done for a while. Every part I have lost recently I have lost to a beautiful, petite ingenue, and let's face it-as much as I want to be those things, I'm just not. I'm just not ever what these people are looking for and I'm tired of letting stupid things continue to break my heart and make me doubt my talent and worth. I just don't know.
3 comments:
I know exactly how you feel. They had to replace the actress playing Mother Abbess, and it went to someone else again. I know exactly how you feel. But now it's happening to me in the older roles, and they're going to girls in their 20s (there's a chance the girl they gave it to is not even 20 yet). Not a good feeling.
Ah, this is a tough one, lady.
My selfish side wants you to be there SOOOOOOO badly. The cast is all either several years older or several years younger.
I also think, considering you were one of the final three for one of the roles, you would be one of the first to be picked for one of the six "parts."
Then again, I've seen the show and those six parts can be big (Broadway version) or little (the take the other Midvale took on it) depending on how the director takes them. They can also be required to do lots of fun dancing, which the choreographer has promised:-)
I know last year, the part you were left watching on the sidelines was a DREAM ROLE of yours and this year you don't seem to have had one of the roles in mind as your dream role, just a fun role.
However, you may still be sitting there on stage during scenes thinking, "I could have done this better..." BUT if you think you'll just be thinking, "Man, I'm glad to be part of this fun show even though I think I could have done certain things better," then maybe you should do it!
You could also tell them you will only do it if you can be one of the six. Yeah, we all think it is diva when we are the ones saying it, but the team and cast all understand because they've all been there.
I'm probably telling you all the things you already have told yourself.
I love you, and I will support whatever you decide. I do know this pro team has been involved with several Arts councils, so it doesn't hurt to get in good with 'em:-)
Honestly, think about why you want to do the show. Is it because you want/love to perform? Then do it, but with the intention and attitude to LOVE what you're doing. If you're just doing it to "do a show", skip it. That's the place I'm in now and it's SO not worth it. Of course, you could skip it to spend more time with Mr. Wonderful. P.S. Is there a way you could just let them know you are only interested in one of the parts and not the ensemble?
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