More and more I have been feeling the green-eyed monster clawing his way out-and when I say green eyed monster I don't mean the adorable Mike Wazowski from Monster's Inc...
 |
| Sorry Mike. |
No, I'm talking about the snarling, ugly, drooly teeth, nightmare inducing, nothing good comes from it green eyed monster.
 |
| His eyes aren't green, but this is all Google's got |
It's not just theatre. I see people younger than me, who haven't worked nearly as hard who have everything. Perfect house, perfect spouse, perfect children, perfect career that just fell into their lap so naturally they don't really appreciate it. I can't help but resent it--and them---even the people I barely know. ugh. I'm a horrible person. I KNOW it's terrible, I KNOW I don't know their whole story-maybe they did work hard and I just don't know it...
I KNOW a lot of you will think less of me now-hell I think less of me now as I'm typing this, for everyone to see--please know this isn't something I'm particularly proud of. I just want it gone. I WANT to be genuinely happy for people, I WANT them to know I'm not just being fake, and I NEED be able to say that I control the monster, the monster doesn't control me.
How do we silence that monster inside? Everyone has one, and if you say you don't you are a LIAR. I DO know plenty of people who are experts at having control over it-several of them read this blog and I look up to them immensely. I'm throwing out this question to everyone, but them especially. HOW DO YOU DO IT? How do you always stay so positive and likable? How do you keep the monster at bay? Cause I REALLY want to know. I don't like knowing I have given the monster control without knowing how to get it back.
*For those of you waiting on news about this post, there was a delay (on their end, not mine), I haven't forgotten you, and I hope I will have news soon!
4 comments:
The green-eyed monster roared so loudly at me on Sunday that I wrote a list of what I'm thankful for and what I wish I had. The Thankfuls was a much longer list. It helped that day. I generally take it one day at a time. If I am sad, I allow myself to wallow for a bit; it never lasts too oppressively long. Then I do something I'm excited about, like eating leftover Olive Garden or seeing Crazy, Stupid, Love tonight. Hopefully the movie doesn't release the monster again...
I think you're brave for blogging what we ALL think. You're not a horrible person. Just human.
Also, when confronted with a situation where I have to be happy for someone else who has what I want, I seem to become detached. That's how I managed to go shopping -- twice -- for a friend's baby shower, and stay at the party the whole time. I didn't let myself think about it while there because, like you said, I am happy for her and I didn't want to ruin her celebration. Turned out to be fun and I'm glad I went.
Remind me sometime to tell you my Sleeping Beauty experience. I was thinking that detachment might not work long-term, but that play proved that it can...
Dear Kristen,
I understand how jealous you are of Scott's strut and how you want one yourself. But then you'd have to have big muscles and wear a tight shirt ALL the time;-)
Love,
Riss
You're right, everyone has this issue. It's part of the natural man inside all of us that we are trying so desperately to overcome. Megan's suggestion to make a list (mentally, writing it down, however) of what you are thankful for is a great idea. Wallowing for a bit is also not a terrible thing, just don't let it take over. If you feel it taking over, do something else. Something you love that you don't have to rely on someone else to do. Or even if you do need to rely on someone else, you know they'll do it for or with you. Change your surroundings for a while. During the summer, go for a drive or hike in the mountains, visit a friend who needs a lift, indulge in a small treat like a scoop of your favorite ice cream -- just not the whole pint :). And there's always the Sunday School answer: pray.
There isn't one thing that works for me every time, though prayer is a biggie. If one thing isn't working, I do something else.
A small success story: A friend at work had a baby about three months ago, and she sent me a link with pictures of her little girl. Seriously the cutest baby in the world. It made me a little heart-sad, but not heartsick.
Time helps, too. When I was your age, these kinds of things bothered me a lot more than they do now. Even before I met Mr. Perfect, I had discovered that I was finally really, truly comfortable and happy with myself and where I was. I know it's hard, and I know it hurts, sometimes a lot, but I also know that there is so much more to you and to your life than what you see others have that you "don't". Take it from one who's been there.
Post a Comment