we're all equal-unless you're different from me

What I’m about to write is a very heated topic with little to no gray area for most. I’m sure there will be a few of you reading this who don’t agree with what I have to say. That’s ok, but this is my blog, and I write about what I want. You choose to continue reading. Although I never intend to offend and I try to keep things light and fun, writing my feelings about this topic in my journal over and over and over isn’t helping me to feel better. Maybe putting it here will. I am not intending to offend anyone, and if I do I am truly sorry. I’m just trying to comprehend. If you choose to read on you may feel the need to comment. Please do. I welcome open, respectful conversations, EVERYONE’S right to have a differing opinion, and the right to make those opinions heard—even if I don’t agree.  HOWEVER-please be advised I will NOT tolerate hateful, hurtful, goading, or attacking comments. They will be immediately deleted and my relationship with you will be reconsidered. If you choose to read on you are agreeing to the terms mentioned above.

Change is a comin’. The LGBT community is demanding it. And do you know what? I’M ALL FOR IT. Yep, this little Mormon girl from Salt Lake is for Gay Rights. Why, you may ask? Because I feel that it’s the right thing to do. I don’t understand how people can feel they have the right to rob someone else of happiness. I know I wouldn’t appreciate someone telling me that the love Mr. Wonderful and I share is evil, and immoral, and an abomination in the eyes of the Lord, so who am I to say that to someone else? Some of you may argue that “the Bible says”. Ok, so WHAT if the Bible says? The Bible also says to love one another and to leave the judging up to God, but we definitely have no problem ignoring those passages.  You don’t get to pick who you love any more than you got to pick your parents or the color of your skin. Am I saying to ignore what you believe to be true and follow what the mainstream tells you to do? Of course not. Am I asking you to show everyone the same unconditional love Christ shows for us all? Abso-frickin-lutely.

When I was young I felt differently. I even voted for Utah Constitutional Amendment 3. This is probably the biggest regret I have and one of the things I am most ashamed of.  Mostly because at my young age I didn’t really understand what I was doing. Although I have never had a problem with the LGBT community I was following the current, and not really thinking for myself (evidence there just how dangerous uneducated voters are, but I digress). Two days after that election I was at work talking to one of my regular customers about the outcome. He also happened to be gay. He expressed his profound sadness about the decision and his anger at the pride of people for thinking we had the right to tell him how to live his life. Then he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Why would people want to deny me the opportunity to marry someone I love?” After that it was personal for me and I have never wished so badly that I could take something back. Seeing the tears in my friend’s eyes and knowing that I had caused him pain with my actions will be something I regret forever. That experience taught me just how important our agency is, and how it’s even more important to not take that away from others. Agency is the one thing Heavenly Father won’t take from us. Why do we feel we are allowed to do so? There are exceptions to this, of course. When someone is putting themselves or others in danger or taking away the rights of others, then yes, we need to step in and say ‘no’. I just don’t understand how something as silly as a man wanting to marry another man is enough to send us into upheaval.

People will argue the ‘sanctity of marriage’. To that I say bullshit. Marriage has NEVER been sacred--wait, let me re-phrase. Marriage is only as sacred as the people entering into it treat it. Marriage began as a business transaction and a way for countries to maintain peace. It’s only within the last 200 years that people have actually married for love, and not for some sort of monetary benefit. Even marriage in the last 50 years has changed drastically. I know many married couples who don’t plan to have, nor want, children. Fifty years ago this was unheard of. Yes, marriage is an important step for some who want to have a family, but it’s not the sole reason to do it anymore. The people who argue ‘then what’s the point in getting married’ ask the elderly couple, the infertile couple, the couple who were finished having children before they remarried why and they’ll tell you: LOVE. Two gay men marrying each other will no more sully the reputation of marriage any more then we heterosexuals have done. This isn’t a new thing. Henry VII was married EIGHT times, and MURDERED TWO because of his roving eye. If you want to see a modern day version, look around you. It’s in the 50% of marriages that end in divorce, the bed-hopping culture we live in, the Kim Kardashians and Britney Spears who change husbands the way we change clothes. The spouses who couldn’t remain faithful if they tried, and the people who joke “this is only my first marriage. I have time” have completed that task. I just don’t understand how people who have known each other for hours can run to Vegas in a drunken stupor and get married, but a loving, committed gay couple who have spent their entire lives to each other cannot. Yes, the LGBT community has a reputation for being promiscuous, but guess what? The hetero community is JUST AS BAD. You don’t believe me watch any reality show on television or go to a bar or dance club. Denying the whole something because of the actions of a few is unfair and WRONG, and I will do everything I can to make my voice heard.

Yes there are arguments about the church part-they will lose their tax-exempt status for refusing to marry a gay couple, yadda yadda, yadda. Frankly, I’m not worried about that. Most of the gay friends I have are spiritual, but not religious, and the likelihood of them wanting to marry in a church (or temple) in a religious ceremony is about as likely as any of us growing another limb. Yes there will be people who will try, but I truly believe it won’t be the issue everyone is making it out to be so for me it’s a moot point.

The bottom line for me is it hurts my heart to see such hate camouflaged as Christianity. Denying people their right to choose is NOT Christian. Watching my best friend worry about whether he will get to marry the person he loves while I take it for granted hurts my heart so badly. To those of you who don't agree, but don't stoop to hateful, bible-bashing, 'you are evil and going to hell' comments, I am not talking to you. I understand and respect your right to feel differently. I just don't understand why. I'm LDS and this is the biggest problem I have with the Church. It is something I struggle with. Every. Day. Yes I understand the Gospel says it's wrong, but I also struggle with the fact we came here to have and exercise AGENCY. Although you don't choose to be gay if you choose to do something that contradicts those Gospel teachings how are you any different from the adulterers, thieves, and murderers? It may be a poor comparison, yes, but my point is they are exercising their right to choose, why can't everyone? How will gays being able to marry and have what we all strive for going to ruin and tarnish our own heterosexual relationships or diminish the value of what WE have with the person we love? How can some parents look at their gay children and in essence say 'You are not allowed to be happy because you are different from the rest of us'?
How ashamed will we feel in 50 years, looking back, and seeing how we treated our fellow man? I just don't understand, someone please help me understand how inequality equates to love and compassion? Forty years ago black men weren't allowed to hold the Priesthood because they were black. Now they can. Just three years ago the Church's stance on homosexuality was that it was a choice. Just last month they released a statement saying this isn't true-it's not a choice. I just don't understand how something that is so unlikely to affect us more than hey 'John can go see his husband in the ICU now when he couldn't before' is such a huge deal. Why are we taking it upon ourselves to be judge, jury, and executioner? It's the Lord's job to judge us, not ours. So why can't we all just focus on ourselves and our families and leave it at that?