"sage" advice

DISCLAIMER: This is a rant. A long one. If you don’t want to read on, close the page now. You’ve been warned.

It used to be single ladies only had to worry about the little old ladies giving them unsolicited love advice. I don’t know when that changed, but just…wow.

Although I’m used to getting it, this year has been chock-full of “sage advice”. Everyone and their dog feels it’s their obligation-nay right-to tell me how I should live my life-particularly where my love life is concerned. I should also mention these are all people who are married-some who even came from a similar situation as mine. Although I love them I find it very condescending and it infuriates me how quick they are to forget how OBNOXIOUS and unwanted this “help” really is. These are the following comments I’ve received-usually after I’m solicited to tell them how things are with Mr. Wonderful. We have been together for three years, are crazy in love with each other, talk about marriage and having a family all the time, but because of certain things there isn’t a proposal in the near future. These comments have been even more out of line this week since I didn’t receive a diamond to don for Christmas.

-HOW long have you been dating again? (I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was required to be engaged two days after we met.)

-Well tell him to get off his lazy ass otherwise you’ll leave him! (Oh, yeah, because insults make people just WANT to do your bidding.)

-You deserve so much better. (Really? I have a good, honest, caring, thoughtful, wonderful man who has made me his whole world. Just because he’s not ready to make a HUGE commitment I instantly deserve something better?)

-I’m saying this out of love, but WHY are you still with him? (Um, because we love each other, he’s worth the wait, and you don’t know the whole story-only what I have volunteered to you, and if you REALLY loved me you would be happy that I'm happy and quit focusing on what I don't have-yet.)

-Why don’t you just propose to him? (Oh yes, that’s so romantic. As pro-girl I am there are some things women should never do. This is one of them-another post for another day.)

-Give him an ultimatum. (Because I WANT him to feel forced, manipulated, and resentful towards me.)

-Tell him you want to start dating other people and make him jealous. (Again since when is manipulating ANYONE to get what you want a good thing?)

-You’re SO PRETTY (pretty sure they were lying on that one.) how are you NOT married? (Apparently all you need to be is pretty to get married.)

-Why do you keep doing this to yourself? (Referring to the fact I waited for four years for a ring from fiancée #1.)-I didn’t know falling in love was ‘doing’ anything?

Then of course you throw in the occasional person who makes it their business to bash Mr. Wonderful and fiancée #1 for taking their time and not hastily jumping into anything. (Yeah THAT’LL win you my affection-talk bad about my friend and the man I love.)

UGH. Enough is enough people! It’s one thing if I’m constantly complaining about the plight my decisions have put me in, but I NEVER bring it up! Why do people think these are things I want and need to be hearing? I don’t. All it does is make me mad. Unless you know the WHOLE story (and there are only two people who do), keep your mouth shut.  You’re not being supportive, you’re not being helpful, and you are only making me feel worse.

In my life I have been blessed with two incredible men. Two men who despite my many faults, flaws, and excess baggage love(d) me. Two men who I love(d) with all my heart. Two men who had their own reasons for taking their time in proposing. Although I don't always like it and it's not easy to feel 'left behind' I understand and respect their reasons. Two men who have always been honest with me so I know this is the bed I have chosen to lie in therefore as hard as it is I am choosing to be patient. Two men who I will always love, albeit in different ways and will NEVER stand for them being bashed, degraded, or thought less of for their actions. Two men who treat(ed) me like gold, tell (told) me all the time how wonderful I am, have never raised a hand to me, set out to hurt me, or made me feel less than anything worthwhile are suddenly public enemy number one because they have taken their time to make a monumentally life changing decision for BOTH of us. I don’t get it.

Although I love you all, I’m a big girl. My decisions are my own. You are not me or him, therefore you don’t know nor will you EVER know the entire story. I will stick around until the Lord tells me otherwise. You need to keep your comments to yourself and trust me to trust what Mr. Wonderful and I have decided to do. All things that are the most worthwhile are the hardest to achieve. The Lord approves of my decision, so I don’t care if you do.

Have you ever received unsolicited advice about something? How did you handle it?