"sage" advice

DISCLAIMER: This is a rant. A long one. If you don’t want to read on, close the page now. You’ve been warned.

It used to be single ladies only had to worry about the little old ladies giving them unsolicited love advice. I don’t know when that changed, but just…wow.

Although I’m used to getting it, this year has been chock-full of “sage advice”. Everyone and their dog feels it’s their obligation-nay right-to tell me how I should live my life-particularly where my love life is concerned. I should also mention these are all people who are married-some who even came from a similar situation as mine. Although I love them I find it very condescending and it infuriates me how quick they are to forget how OBNOXIOUS and unwanted this “help” really is. These are the following comments I’ve received-usually after I’m solicited to tell them how things are with Mr. Wonderful. We have been together for three years, are crazy in love with each other, talk about marriage and having a family all the time, but because of certain things there isn’t a proposal in the near future. These comments have been even more out of line this week since I didn’t receive a diamond to don for Christmas.

-HOW long have you been dating again? (I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was required to be engaged two days after we met.)

-Well tell him to get off his lazy ass otherwise you’ll leave him! (Oh, yeah, because insults make people just WANT to do your bidding.)

-You deserve so much better. (Really? I have a good, honest, caring, thoughtful, wonderful man who has made me his whole world. Just because he’s not ready to make a HUGE commitment I instantly deserve something better?)

-I’m saying this out of love, but WHY are you still with him? (Um, because we love each other, he’s worth the wait, and you don’t know the whole story-only what I have volunteered to you, and if you REALLY loved me you would be happy that I'm happy and quit focusing on what I don't have-yet.)

-Why don’t you just propose to him? (Oh yes, that’s so romantic. As pro-girl I am there are some things women should never do. This is one of them-another post for another day.)

-Give him an ultimatum. (Because I WANT him to feel forced, manipulated, and resentful towards me.)

-Tell him you want to start dating other people and make him jealous. (Again since when is manipulating ANYONE to get what you want a good thing?)

-You’re SO PRETTY (pretty sure they were lying on that one.) how are you NOT married? (Apparently all you need to be is pretty to get married.)

-Why do you keep doing this to yourself? (Referring to the fact I waited for four years for a ring from fiancée #1.)-I didn’t know falling in love was ‘doing’ anything?

Then of course you throw in the occasional person who makes it their business to bash Mr. Wonderful and fiancée #1 for taking their time and not hastily jumping into anything. (Yeah THAT’LL win you my affection-talk bad about my friend and the man I love.)

UGH. Enough is enough people! It’s one thing if I’m constantly complaining about the plight my decisions have put me in, but I NEVER bring it up! Why do people think these are things I want and need to be hearing? I don’t. All it does is make me mad. Unless you know the WHOLE story (and there are only two people who do), keep your mouth shut.  You’re not being supportive, you’re not being helpful, and you are only making me feel worse.

In my life I have been blessed with two incredible men. Two men who despite my many faults, flaws, and excess baggage love(d) me. Two men who I love(d) with all my heart. Two men who had their own reasons for taking their time in proposing. Although I don't always like it and it's not easy to feel 'left behind' I understand and respect their reasons. Two men who have always been honest with me so I know this is the bed I have chosen to lie in therefore as hard as it is I am choosing to be patient. Two men who I will always love, albeit in different ways and will NEVER stand for them being bashed, degraded, or thought less of for their actions. Two men who treat(ed) me like gold, tell (told) me all the time how wonderful I am, have never raised a hand to me, set out to hurt me, or made me feel less than anything worthwhile are suddenly public enemy number one because they have taken their time to make a monumentally life changing decision for BOTH of us. I don’t get it.

Although I love you all, I’m a big girl. My decisions are my own. You are not me or him, therefore you don’t know nor will you EVER know the entire story. I will stick around until the Lord tells me otherwise. You need to keep your comments to yourself and trust me to trust what Mr. Wonderful and I have decided to do. All things that are the most worthwhile are the hardest to achieve. The Lord approves of my decision, so I don’t care if you do.

Have you ever received unsolicited advice about something? How did you handle it?

wordless wednesday

death of the pen pals

Growing up I had a fixation with correspondence. I LOVED writing letters-almost as much as I loved getting my own mail. I wrote letters to my Grandma Fox in St. George as well as my childhood friend Kristi when she and her family moved back to California after third grade. I dreamed of my mother letting me join one of those pen-pal clubs and having a pen pal from someplace exotic-like Ohio.

I had a massive collection of stationary-fancy, casual, cartoony, hand-made, you name it; I probably had it. Half the fun for me was choosing what paper I was going to write my letter on and what stickers or drawings I was going to use on the envelope. If you stop and think about it the whole process of letter writing is just so personal.

Looking back I'm realizing just how much letter writing helped to form who I am now. In Junior High I had a Young Women’s leader I simply adored. When she and her family moved to Arizona we kept in touch for a bit. She helped me through a few struggles teenage girls are prone to. My good friend Laura and I used it to keep in touch after Junior High although we were in the same stake and lived maybe two miles apart. We wrote each other a few times a week all through our Sophomore and into our Junior years and kept each other informed of the goings on at our respective High Schools. Nothing made my day the way opening my mailbox after school and seeing a letter addressed to “Twisten” from “Wa-wa” (long, yet funny story why we gave each other those names.) Sadly, the end of High School became busy with new friends and new interests-choir and drama for me; Journalism, yearbook, and band for her-and we let the habit die. After High School I kept up with a few missionaries and friends in the military; but again I allowed life to get in the way and stopped writing.

I came across Laura's blog today, and I got to thinking about old times and missing writing letters. In an age of texts, Facebook, blogs, and email, who REALLY writes letters anymore? As convenient as modern technology is, it has allowed us to become so impersonal. I miss the days of opening my mailbox and being greeted with real mail, not junk and bills. I also wish that I had ignored all the anti-clutter talk of the new millenium and kept those old letters. Writing my blog has helped but it's just not the same.

Maybe I need to pick up letter writing again.

What is something that you used to do but don’t anymore because of lack of time, technology, or just letting the habit die?

wordless wednesday

does this make me look fat?

I was going to use this as yesterday's wordless wednesday, but it requires explanation.
This is a picture of peanut brittle, homemade salsa (we ate it ALL) and chips, jam, Cheesecake Factory Godiva Cheesecake, and not one but TWO packages of caramel and chocolate dipped pretzel sticks.
These were all obtained in a four-hour time frame from vendors, customers, and brokers yesterday while I was at work.
Farewell to the 10 lbs I lost during "Bye Bye Birdie". My boss thinks it's funny to joke that he pays us by the pound. He'll see how funny it ISN'T when I hand him the bill. >;D
Anyone want to be my gym buddy?

wordless wednesday

i can't be passive. i'm too passionate

Impassioned. Spirited. Fiery. Intense. Audacious.


Bold. Gritty. Gutsy. Hot. High-Spirited. Direct.


Straightforward. Uncomplicated. Rational.


Strong Willed.

To be honest I am always surprised when I look these words up and don’t see my picture next to them. They embody me. Almost to a “T”. Granted I am so much more than these few words, but they all play a HUGE part in defining who I am. For most, you either love me or hate me because of these traits. Most people who love me love the fact that I will call it like I see it. The same is for the people who hate me. If you want a straightforward answer, you come to me.

Because of these traits I am kinda scary when it comes to people I love. I get so invested in the situation their pain becomes mine and I want to do anything I can to stop it-to the point of becoming overbearing and pushy-because I know best, after all. Even when I become this way it always comes from a place of love NOT bossiness. I just can't stand to watch people I love make stupid decisions that cause them pain.

I have a friend. I couldn’t love them more if they were my own flesh and blood. We have been through thick and thin, the trials of adolescence, the ‘figuring out who we are’ young adult stage, and growing into adulthood together. I am the Cee Cee Bloom to her Hilary Whitney. No matter what we have always and will always have each other’s back.

This person is experiencing some struggles. Although I understand why they continue to allow the hurt they are experiencing I also feel they are being somewhat of a glutton. They know the stove is hot, yet they repeatedly put their hand in the fire to be burned, and become upset when the effect is always the same. This person has asked for my support, and because of my passion-both for the people I love and in general-I don’t know how to give it without becoming involved to the point it affects my well-being. Not knowing what else to do I removed myself from that particular situation because honestly my passion and inability to see shades of grey wasn’t helping matters any. This has been viewed as a betrayal and me making it about me-not them.

Last night was another discussion with Mr. Wonderful regarding this issue and he suggested taking the passive, politician approach meaning I reiterate the advice that has already been given, tell them my position on the matter has not changed, and I will help where I can once they decide to take a different approach. This is such a foreign idea to me. I don’t know how to be passive. To be honest I don’t know if I CAN. I have never been passive a day in my life and this new approach is just foreign to me. I want to be there for this person but I can’t continue to watch them cause themselves pain.

Has my removing myself from the situation made it more about me and less about them? How do you “passively support” someone?

down with the sickness

So I have been sick. For a LONG TIME. Two weeks to be specific. I'm usually a pretty healthy person and I get sick MAYBE once a year, so the fact I've already been sick twice in as many months is a new (and obnoxious) trend. I'm pretty sure I can attribute this development to the petri dish otherwise known as community theater...Merry Christmas to me!


Normally I just wait it out but my patience is running VERY thin this time. After a week of my cough not letting up I went to the Dr. It turned out to be...drum roll please...BRONCHITIS. I've never had anything more serious than a cold and I've got bronchitis? (Turns out I may be genetically predispositioned since my dad gets it all the time...ugh) Normally it wouldn't be such a big deal except I have a cough from hell that has rendered me songless.
I never realized how much I needed singing in my life until I couldn't do it anymore. I have been quite the grouch as of late because I have no outlet. Everything I have tried helps, but it just isn't the same. I am now on day 16 of no song. The cough is letting up, and it can't come any faster. Aside from having no outlet I'm tired of being treated like the social leper-especially since the inversion has only made things worse. People don't care that you're under a doctor's care, on a monster dose of antibiotics, Codeine cough syrup, a daytime cough prescription, and exercising proper hygeine. All they see is you're contaminated, STAY HOME!! As much as I would like to, that's pretty much impossible.
Here's hoping the inversion and my cough clear out post haste. This sucks.

What's your outlet and how would you manage if it was abruptly taken away from you?