my new nemesis

Warning-this is yet another long, rambling post. Sorry.

I’m convinced there is a conspiracy between the holiday food people and the gym people and that the conversation went something like this:

HFP: “hey gym people, we have a GREAT idea!”

GP: “ok, Holiday Food People, what’s that?”

HPF: “so the holidays are a big deal for a lot of people. We’re going to do all of this great fatty food that people will gorge on because we’ll only make it available once a year, all the while telling them ‘you deserve it, it’s the holidays. Your mom only makes that sweet potato pie once a year. You can’t pass THAT up! Don’t take just once slice; here have two!’ Then once New Year’s rolls around they’ll feel so bad about themselves they’ll join your gym in a vain attempt to get healthy again!”

GP: “Holy crap that’s brilliant! The fatties will buy gym memberships the first of the year and resolve to get skinny but will tire towards the end of January, stop coming, and we reap all the benefits of a signed contract! Hooray!”

HFP: “They’ll never know what hit them. It’s brilliant, BRILLIANT I tell you!”

GP/HFP: *maniacal laughs*

Ok. I know that’s not how it goes down. But it feels like it-especially yesterday when I stepped on my bathroom scale to do the dreaded post-holiday weight assessment. Although I have never had a super model’s physique I still think I hit the genetic jackpot because I have a somewhat slender figure with little to no work on my part-despite the English and Dutch blood running through my veins. That was until I stepped on that bloody scale yesterday.

I waited anxiously while my scale calculated the damage I had (or hadn’t) caused over the last six weeks. A few seconds later the blue display blinked with the results. 162.7. WTF?!  I had to put my glasses on and weigh myself twice to be sure I wasn’t hallucinating. I have managed to hold steady at or around (usually below)157 with little to no work on my part for the last few years. Not a great number, but impressive considering I have been in food service for the majority of the last decade.  

In my defense I did manage to lose 10 pounds this summer-due to tap dancing in 100+ degree temps during ‘Bye Bye Birdie’. Thanks to the over-zealous brokers, chefs, and DSRs at work bringing us yummy treats, my inability to say ‘no’, and my hating to see good food go to waste I have gained all ten pounds back plus the 5.7 holiday pounds.  For you non-math whiz’s like me that’s 15.7 pounds in five months. NOT. GOOD.

That being said, here’s my dilemma. In the last ten years I have been a member of four gyms. FOUR. Gyms that I am great at going to at first but then I get discouraged, hate going alone, and slack off. They then turn into a waste of money. Thinking it was a better option for me I have purchased a few at home videos and equipment, but after the set-up required it’s just too easy to rationalize NOT doing it. Although I am ready to make the change (and have been since before my latest revelation), I can’t find the motivation-usually blaming my inability to run or do anything strenuous on my joints since I am the proud owner of two bad knees and a bad ankle a skating accident five years ago bestowed me with.

Mr. Wonderful (being the fitness success story he is 60 lbs and maintaining!) has offered his help, but he’s a gym Nazi and I don’t know if I’m ok with him yelling at me to suck it up and stop being an out-of-shape whiny baby. I AM an out of shape whiny baby who needs a drill sergeant, but I need to start slow so I don’t get frustrated and give up because I can’t KEEP up-AGAIN-giving the gyms more free money. That isn’t the most fiscally savvy strategy since I am a single income household.

I know I have a few success stories who read my blog-paging Riss and Most Happy Girl-What has worked for you? How do you make inconvenient times convenient? I have the time, but the time I do have is intermittent. I don’t want to have to shower, apply or wash makeup off my face, or change my clothes more than once a day. I don’t want to have to come back to work or go on a date with Mr. Wonderful sweaty and gross. I also don’t want to be at the gym two hours a day like Mr. Wonderful. I’m not looking for Biggest Loser loss, I just want to stop feeling like a blob and for my clothes to fit right again. I want to impress people with the fact I have free food thrown at me all day at work yet I still look AWESOME. I want to keep up with Mr. Wonderful. I'm not necessarily ok with the fact he's becoming the pretty one in this relationship.

I’m not worried about the diet-with the exception of recently I’m usually pretty good with my eating habits. It’s the exercise and fitting it into my erratic schedule that’s killing me.

Have you ever let yourself go? How did you come back? What strategy do you recommend for someone who wants to change but gets discouraged easily?